There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no-testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a GREAT PURPOSE, which I may not understand at the moment. As I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is- that is the rest of VICTORY!!!!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Truely Broken.....

When I started writing these a few years ago I told myself it wasnt about sounding like I knew deep theological knowledge, or all the twists and turns of being a Christian but my desire was to be real, raw and broken before anyone that wanted to read and to represent to thewhat it means to truely be human placed in the hands of Jesus everyday in this crazy thing we call "life." to help others to not ever feel alone or inadequate to be loved by Jesus because I am the worst of sinners and Christ died for me just as He has for you.

In the process I have had many ups and many downs over the past year that I have tried to share as honestly and insightfully as possible and I have had the privilege of getting feedback and hearing the thoughts and feelings of those around me who have been in similar circumstances. Its been a process for me and I hope for others also, a process where we could grow and learn together. When I decided to start this blog a few weeks ago I was nervous and thought eventually I would run out of words and I could never measure up. Well its been 17 days now and I can tell you although I feel incredibly inadequate I am not giving up and I am not throwing in the towel. I may start posting later in the day or missing a day here and there but I refuse to allow Satan to try and get in the way of what the Lord wants to say and do through me.

I am saying all this because this week has been a challenge!!! Not only for me but for my husband and our family. I made the decision and started the process a few weeks ago to try and take some classes in the spring to finish my Bachelors degree and persue Womens Ministry someday and it seems since I said yes to God and what I felt He was declaring for my life Satan has loaded up his guns and launched missile after missile our way to try and do anything he could to make us buckle. Frustrated and tired we have continued to fight but are exhausted and  tonight it hit me that Satan is going to continue to attack us because he knows the Lord is in charge in our lives and has big things ahead. He feels threatened and weakened at the sound of Jesus name and will do anything, regardless of how low the blows may seem Satan fights dirty and will not stop at anything to destroy our dreams and the plans God has for our lives.

Whatever we do daily to try and glorify the Lord, however insignificant they may seem to us they are big to God and He can use the smallest of all situations for extraordinary tasks in His kingdom. It was a head to head moment tonight where I honestly just said "ok Satan listen up, I am not now nor will I ever regardless of whatever is ahead give up, you can back off and get out of the way because I'm not throwing in the towel." Satan knows when we are wavering and when we are unsure and unconfident but when we come to a point where we make a decision and we proclaim that we are standing for Christ and for the plans that He has for our lives Satan has to back off a little. When we declare that Jesus has victory over our lives, every aspect, every decision, every hope, and every dream, Satan has to flee!

I started reading the book, Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness by Nancy Leigh Demoss and it talks in the beginning chapters about being broken and choosing Christ in the brokeness. Its not about feeling sad or hurt or experiencing some great tragedy. We dont have to walk around being unhappy because we are broken people, people associate brokenness with loss and emptiness in some area of our lives but instead its the loss of ourselves and the gain of Him, which produces a deep sense of joy and peace!!!!! "True brokenness is an ONGOING, CONSTANT, way of life. True brokenness is a LIFESTYLE-a MOMENT-BY-MOMENT lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life-NOT as everyone else thinks it is but as He KNOWS it to be. Its about the shattering of my self-will-to absolute surrender of my will to the will of God. It is saying "Yes, Lord!" - no resistance, no chafing, no stubbornness-simply submitting myself to His direction and will in my life."

The point of all this is not some earth shattering lesson I feel like God has placed on my heart. Its me breaking open my heart before you right now not really knowing the words tonight but realizing that I am tired, I'm feeling broken but I'm feeling peace and joy because I know God is in control. I know that Satan will continue to try and throw roadblock after roadblock in our way but God is bigger and I have taken a stand today and I encourage you to do the same so Satan knows he might as well forget it. You my be weak but He will make you strong, you may stumble but you will not fall and you may be broken but He has made you whole!!

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