Tonight I am reminded of the verse Romans 8:26-28 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Have you ever prayed for something for so long that literally somewhere along the process you lost sight of what you were praying for? When I started having all the major surgeries back 2 years ago our little Macie started praying for my belly every-night before bed and she hasn't stopped praying that same prayer since. Maybe its a habit but I think its really because she hasn't seen that prayer answered so until then she is going to keep praying and praying until it happens. I too have prayed the same prayer since that moment but its changed so many times that I have lost track. At this point I don't even know what to pray for anymore. I think I struggle so much lately because I am realizing as Macie prays for me she is praying with the option of only one thing being the answer and that is for me to be better and that is ok but God is showing me that He can answer our prayers but yet it have a totally different answer than we expected or wanted. What I mean is that I have prayed for healing at times but maybe Gods will is not to heal me?
God will stop at nothing to get people to see Him and if through my suffering and pain His glory is revealed then maybe thats what His plan is. We can get so caught up in ourselves that we forget there is a much bigger plan than what we see. There are countless pieces that are all apart of His plan and we are just a small section. Its not about just us but a purpose greater than the small piece we add to the picture. His plan for my life is not for me to be comfortable but for me to have a story and travel a journey that shows people Him. I could have an ideal plan layed out for my life but that doesnt mean thats what God has in mind. My hearts desire is to daily abandon myself for the cause of showing Jesus and in the process that means Him saying no to my plans and my prayers than so be it.
So tonight I don't know what to pray, I don't know if I should pray for different circumstances, easier health trials or what so instead I will pray for Gods will. I will pray that my heart be open to His plans for my life and trust that He knows my struggles and desires right now. Honestly its exhausting, my words have run out. I don't know what to say but I know you see the depths of my heart when I can't even possibly find the right words.....
There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no-testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a GREAT PURPOSE, which I may not understand at the moment. As I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is- that is the rest of VICTORY!!!!