There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no-testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a GREAT PURPOSE, which I may not understand at the moment. As I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is- that is the rest of VICTORY!!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

What else can I do??

There are very few moments in life that I am left utterly speechless, but lately its been a dark cloud hovering over me. For the past month our family has been on an emotional roller coaster as we deal with health battle after health battle yet again. This past Friday as the three of us were sitting in the living room cuddled together sobbing because we knew I had to go back to the hospital after battling continuous high fevers for days I just felt empty. To hear my 6 year old daughters heart breaking because all she wanted was for her mommy to be home and I could do nothing to ease that burden from her I felt helpless. In the midst of my discouragement that night talking with Scott on the phone after I had been readmitted to the hospital I just said “seriously I’m done, I can’t do this anymore” and his reply was “we have to, we have no other choice.” The words of my amazingly supportive and loving husband resonated within my heart and reminded me that he was right, although we may be frustrated and discouraged we have to keep fighting the battle and that when our strength runs out all we can do is let go and fall into the arms of Christ. 

At this point I really don’t understand this journey. I’m tired, frustrated, and discouraged but today I have hope because I know that God never leaves us where we are and always uses our battles for something amazing, somehow, sometime, someway. In the moments when I can’t figure out the whys, or seem to get the pieces of the puzzle to come together right I will instead let go and let God pick them up for me.

The most comforting words that my heart needed to hear today by Selah in the song “I Turn to You”
“When I'm far away from Home
And the cold wind starts to blow
When I'm empty and alone
I turn to you

When there's hardness in my heart
And I can't see the truth
And I'm wandering in the dark
I turn to you

And here in your Holy Presence
It's all that I can do
I turn to you Jesus
I turn to you Lord
What else can I do Jesus?
I turn to you”

Jesus, I may not understand this journey your taking us down but right now I surrender. I trust that Your ways are good and better than  the plans that I have for our family. In the moments where I can't possibly find the strength to keep going or the wisdom to know what to do I will instead let go and give it to You. I thank You for giving me the most amazing husband and daughter and pray blessings and strength over them. Help us to be united stronger than ever to continue fighting this battle head on. I cast any piece of negativity that Satan tries to throw in our way out in Your powerful name Jesus. Whatever battles others are facing I pray this would give them a glimmer of hope in the midst of their discouragement as well and help them to know they are NEVER alone. I love you Jesus, and trust you with my life and this journey. Amen

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