There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no-testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a GREAT PURPOSE, which I may not understand at the moment. As I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is- that is the rest of VICTORY!!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Hold on.....

As the blood drains slowly from my fingers and the lifelessness begins to fade, the circulation is cut off and the paleness sets in I feel as if I’m quickly losing my grip, but somehow, somewhere strength burst forth from within the depths of my being and push me past the point of exhaustion enough to hold on a little bit longer. 

When I started blogging 8 months ago one of the promises I made within my heart was that regardless of how ugly or beautiful the truth was and the place in life that I was in I would be honest and just share the raw realness of where I am at and what the Lord is showing me. The past month has been difficult, one of the most difficult times for me physically, emotionally and spiritually. Being in the hospital and so far away I was separated from my husband, my daughter, family, friends, and probably hardest was my church. I quickly realized that being cut off from thing after thing that helped nurture my heart and soul is a very lonely place. The beautiful thing is that even when I missed Sunday after Sunday of Church God still continued to show up in that hospital room and pour His presence on me. In the darkness of the nights when I wanted to be home cuddled next to my husband God met me there. But I will be honest even though I prayed, even though I continued to trust Gods plans for my journey there was another side competing for my attention also, and in those lonely moments Satan is very good at working on your weaknesses.  

"When the Archenemy finds a weak place in the walls of our castles, he takes care where to plant his battering ram and begin his siege. You may conceal your infirmity, even from your dearest friend, but you will not conceal it from your worst Enemy. He has lynx eyes and detects in a moment the weak point in your armor. He goes about with a match, and though you may think you have covered all the gunpowder of your heart, he knows how to find a crack to put his match through. Much mischief will he do, unless eternal mercy prevents." Charles Spurgeon

Even though the Lord has brought me far I am realizing that the battle doesn’t stop there. Satan is always standing nearby waiting for any opportunity to catch me off guard or to triumph over my failures. Gods heart breaks when mine breaks, He is crushed when I fail or when I am broken but Satan is excited and celebrates in my brokenness. God has brought me too far to leave me where I am at and in my moments of frustration, discouragement and weakness when I want to throw in the towel, when I want to let go of my grip on Him, He instead reaches back and grabs ahold of me, He helps me get my footing and a place of safety and security. We all have moments where we let our guard down, you think you are strong enough and BAM you find yourself in a pit and don’t even know how you got there. The truth is maybe you weren’t doing anything to dig yourself into the pit but instead you didn’t have your defense up against the enemy to keep you out of it either.

The beautiful thing is that regardless of whether you have been in a pit for a long time or you just found yourself slipping back in it He is always there to help pull you out. The hardest part though is that first step in saying, “Jesus I don’t know how I got here maybe even again but I want out and I desperately need you to help me climb out.” Through His abundant grace and mercy you can climb out, and dust the dirt from yourself to start again. I can promises it won’t be easy, it won’t happen overnight but God can and will transform you and restore your heart. 

I guess I’m sharing this because I feel like I’m in this place. Being away was difficult and in the process I lost my spunk, I lost my momentum and Satan worked hard to tear down and destroy everything I had allowed God to build up. So now is a time of rebuilding and allowing God to restore my heart. My prayer is that if you’re reading this and you feel like this is where you’re at, that you have found yourself in a pit and desperately want out that you would feel the loving arms of Jesus tonight. Open up your heart to the healing transformation that He has for you and stretch out your hand to grab ahold of His as He helps pull you from the pit.

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