Junk drawer........

I wonder how many people truely feel like there life is organized and systematic? I wonder how many people really feel as if there is a method to the madness? Lately we have been so crazy busy I can hardly think straight. I feel like life is complete chaos but somehow in the midst there is peace. I have tried to become organized and have gotten sooo much better at this but I still have spots here and there that seem messy. A humorous battle between Scott and I has unfolded over time about how messy my minivan is. Toys, socks, sports equipment, food, receipts, earrings, wrappers, papers, you name it my van probably has it. My defense to has always been that the van is utilized alot more, especially with Macie and is put through alot more life experiences which gather clutter. My purse is like this also, I am sure if I was a contestant on the game show "Lets Make a Deal" where they pull random things out of their bag I would walk away a big winner. Can any of you relate? Do you have a junk drawer or room in your house where all the extra misfit stuff goes?

Somewhere along the way the "stuff" accumulated and didn't make it through the transition period. My earrings in the van are sitting there because at one point I failed to get them back in their designated spot so they are now sitting somwhere random.Junk drawers don't just happen overnight, its a process of getting lost in the transition. Macie even has a junk drawer with toys and random kids stuff. It seems like regardless how hard I try sometimes when I'm doing a major cleaning spree in my house I always find some random thing I have no clue what to do with and so in the junk drawer it goes. This made me think about how often we get lost in the transition periods or seasons in life and things get messy. Whether it be jobs, marriage, busyness, parenting, service, volunteering, health crisis, loss of a loved one, financial downfall or whatever we all go through seasons in life.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11 "TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What profit remains for the worker from his toil? I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves.He has made everything beautiful in its time."

The difficult thing during the transition of seasons is do you adapt to the change, do you organize the stuff in the midst of the transition or do you just shove it in a junk drawer? I think alot of times we do this with our emotions. We dont know exactly how to deal with them, understand them, or appreciate them but instead we find ourselves disassociated from them and trying to seperate them from one season to another. Its as if we can't decide what category or what spot emotions or things in life belong so we just shove it away somewhere anywhere, past hurts, past mistakes, past failures. We try to mend our hurts or clean out the mess in our lives but there are some things that are confusing, they don't make sense, there is no rhyme or reason and because we can't organize them or put them in a spot we find ourselves throwing them in a random drawer in our hearts, closing the drawer, out of sight out of mind. Regardless of how messy or disorganized that drawer is we know what we have put in there, it has the most random pieces of life but when we choose we can open it up and find whatever we need. Sure its chaotic but its personal and we understand it so thats all that matters. Even though we think this system works in life it would be much easier if we really cleaned out those drawers and organized everything they contain.

Are you moving from one season to another in life and feel like so much stuff is just sitting in the midst of the chaos? I just encourage you that instead of putting it away in the junk drawer to really take time to organize, understand and grab ahold of it all. Appreciate the place that you have been and where God is taking you and along the way don't forget to be reminded of the beauty through the struggles.

Here I am Jesus use me....

My thought process lately has been so scattered and all over the place. I got to sit down with a new friend this morning and it was amazing because we seem to be so much alike in our thought process and the way we hear God. I have talked in the past about how much I try and gain insight in everyday life and everyday things so I can be sure the things around me or distractions put in my path wont cause me to miss the Whisper of Christ. I have notes and journals with words and thoughts from God all over the place, this is a way for me to stay disciplined and remind myself even in the chaos that I need to spend time reflecting on the whispers He has given me each day.

This past week or so I feel like the Lord has been doing some major cleaning and building in my heart. He is riding my life of things that have filled up space but not allowed me to put Him in its place. He has given me a passion for the way I think, the way I hear the Whispers He gives me and a drive to use that to glorify Him and grow in my walk daily. Maybe this all seems crazy and all over the place I apologize, I literally am sitting this morning praying and opening my heart to the realness and rawness of where I am at. This past summer a group of women did a Study together "Sheet Music" uncovering sexual intimacy in a marriage. I found every excuse not to do the study and believe that Satan is good at that. I decided to read the book and without being too honest and too personal it was a very healing, redemptive light in an area so many are afraid to talk about. I am sharing this with everyone because I believe in the power of prayer.

There is a group of women beginning this study on Thursday and I will never post who they are or what we discuss in the study but I am asking for prayer for the women of this study as well as myself as we uncover what God has for us. I believe in the power behind the healing words of this book and believe this has been spirit led and God breathed and although its a tough subject I am claiming, healing, redemption, grace, tenderness and a refreshed love story in each marriage that comes in contact with this book. I am claiming it as victory now and believing that regardless of how broken, how messy, or how content we feel in our marriages that God is going to intervene on our behalfs and touch each woman and man. Please pray with me and lift up our group, our time together, our marriages, me and my story, protect our hearts and guard us from anything that doesnt bring honor and glory to you Jesus, we surrender this to You, HERE I AM JESUS, USE ME.....

"Clean Up time"........

One of the most simple joys in life for me is what I call "hair therapy." Its my every 6-8 week appointment for a hair cut and sometimes color. Its not something my husband can appreciate because first of all he is a guy, and second of all he is going bald, sorry dear :) With short hair its something I have to keep up with but its not necessarily just about keeping up with my hair but about that time away for me to relax and have a break. I have an appointment scheduled this weekend and I'm definitely looking forward to it.

One thing though that always cracks me up is how much preparation we spend as women to go and get our hair done. I know before most of my appointments I try to wash and style my hair which is funny because then I go to the salon and they wash and style my hair. There is just something to be said about walking into the salon looking a mess, its like we are afraid for the person who does our hair to see our hair messy when the reason we are there is so that they can make it look better and maintain it to begin with lol. Maybe I am the only one that does all this work before an appointment but I know there are other instances we could talk about too. I know women who actually clean their houses for before the maid comes to clean their house. Now I can't afford a maid but if I could I would probably do the same thing :)

We are a society that is so worried about appearances and having it all together that we literally "clean ourselves up" before we go to get cleaned up. We try to minimize how bad it seems or how messy we seem because we are afraid. Should I really be worried if my hair stylist thinks my hair is a mess, isnt that why I'm sitting in her chair with foil in my hair looking like a crazy woman in the first place because I obviously need some help? We can say the same thing with a realtionship with Christ. We do we have such a desperate need to try and clean ourselves up before sitting at the feet of Jesus? We are all a mess and we all need the grace and forgivness of Christ, transformation is about realizing we are messy, broken and in need of a change. Its realizing we are in need of serious help and only the blood of Jesus can be that makeover we need in life. Its one of the biggest things I struggle with and a barrier I think is hard to overcome with people around us that don't know Jesus and that is the misconception, that in order to be allowed to have a relationship with Jesus we have to first be cleaned up. If I would have waited to be cleaned up and waited for my life to not be such a wreck before giving my heart to Jesus and trying a relationship with Him I think I would still be waiting. I on my own could never clean up the mess I had allowed myself to get in, I could never have cleaned up the hurts I had experienced or face the struggles in life each day we all face without Jesus first coming into my life just as I was, broken, empty and a mess and filling me up with His love and grace.

Romans 3:22-24 (AMP) "Namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah). [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction, Since all have sinned and are falling short of the honor and glory ^[a]which God bestows and receives. [All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus." Basically we read in scripture that not one person deserves the grace and love of Jesus more than another. You may have known Jesus for 50 years or 2 months, you may have heard about Him in Sunday school or seek Him for hours a day, but one thing I know for sure is that the love of Jesus doesnt discriminate and none of us are beyond the need of a Savior in our lives.

Being nourished from within....

I'm not a bug person I have to admit. 8 legs, 10 legs, legs, 1000 legs, 2 wings I am not a fan. I dont get totally freaked out by spiders, crickets or bees but I dont love them either. I have to tell you though that I have found an appreciation on some level for bugs having a 6 year old and a Science teacher for a husband. My friend Kayleigh was telling me a story last week about a team of ants she battled against in her college apartment which if you know Kayleigh it was extremely animated and funny, you would have thought she took on a grizzly bear.

Anyhow its always been fascinating to me characteristics of ants. They are so tiny and vulnerable. It doesnt take much to destory their little bodies, whether it be a kids shoe, animal or whatever they are pretty weak. Have you ever seen though how large ant clusters can become. They are seriously amazing and its one of those situations where when I see one I can't help but stare and try to figure out how many thousands of little ants are there together. There can be the tiniest piece of food on the ground but its amazing how many ants it will attract. They will fight and squeeze their way in, they are desperate to have a piece of that nourishment.

I wonder how similar humans are to these clusters of ants? We are desperate to belong, to gather together and be apart of something and to be fed. I heard a statistic last week that said 60% of people that listen to Christian Radio don't go to church. That number just seems crazy to me! I really belive that this statistic is because we are desperate to be filled, we are desperate to be loved and have hope and through Christian Radio thats the goal. It makes us feel good to listen to uplifting songs that build our spirits up and encourage us. There is a sense of love and belonging so we can listen and be fed a little but probably not as much as if we were to go to a church or be apart of a christian group. The reality is we all need to be nourished and in my life I have found that true nourishment comes from Jesus. I have tried, relationships, jobs, busyness and many more things but although those things took up space in my life and made me feel apart of something, it was still a desperate attempt at being fed. Its like those ants squeezing together for that tiny piece of food, it satisfies temporarily but it doesnt last, it doesnt truely nourish and supply fulfillment.There's a Kari Jobe song that says the most beautiful words: "I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel Your heartbeat. This love is so deep, its more than I can bear, I melt in Your peace its overwhelming."

Are you feeling like there is so much stuff that you try and shove in the space of your life for fulfillment? Whatever you are going through and whever your at in your life just know that Jesus can be there in the midst of it. He can supply your heart and life with whatever you need and can fill in the space. He can be your nourishment and strength, He can provide that love and belonging that is lasting and fulfilling.

Uh-oh, watch out!...

Its no secret that I love pop. I love Pepsi, Mt. Dew and even Dr. Pepper at times and have really found comfort and joy in pulling through any fast food joint lately to order a large fountain pop. My daughter Macie likes grape pop and although we don't let her have it often it seems like anytime we do its always a disaster. I can't tell you how many times, I have lost count, that we have given in and allowed her to get a grape pop from the store and she ends up dropping the bottled pop on the ground somewhere in between the store and home. Well anybody that has ever dropped a bottle of pop on the ground knows that you might as well forget trying to open it for a while because if you do so much pressure has built up within that little container that by removing the cap it will send a fierce explosion out of that small bottle.

I remember one time specifically where Macie dropped her bottle of Grape Pop in the store parking lot and after we chased it down we let it sit for a few minutes on our way home. After we got home and got groceries put away I thought enough time had lapsed that I could go ahead and remove the cap, I mean surely the contents had settled and it would be ok? Wrong! I ended up with grape pop on the ceiling, my clothes, the furniture, all over my glasses and even in my nostrils somehow, it was just insane. Literally it was like an explosion, it was unstopable, I couldnt get the cap back on fast enough, it was so hard to try and get it under control and stop the damage that was already taking place.

So often I feel as Christians we are put in a Grape Pop bottle so to speak. We begin a relationship with Jesus and there is so much anticipation and excitment. So much starts to happen within us that truely we could explode. But we develop a sense of fear within us and are so afraid to cause a "rukus" we step back for a bit and let things settle. Instead of making a mess though and instead of causing disruption around us we keep the lid on tight and never allow that passion and love within us be released. I know over the past few years the Lord has truely done some things in my life that I am amazed at. I was a terrible mess and needed not only fixed and cleaned up a little I needed completely restored and rid of so many deep hurts,
imperfections, sins and problems in my own heart, my marriage, my friendships and most importantly my walk with God. It took a moment of being at the bottom of the pit for me to realize I had a choice to make, I could continue on like that flat tasteless bottle of pop or I could allow God to restore my life, shake things up a little and cause an explosion in my life and heart. Its been the hardest 2 years of my life probably but the most amazing ride. The Lord has truely broken me and transformed my life in more ways than I can possibly even understand to the fullest I'm sure.

Although it was super uncomfortable at times I have been so incredibly blessed, my life has truely been transformed. All that I thought was important and showed value in my life was removed and the Lord has revealed new purpose and direction for me beyond anything I could ever imagine. Sometimes I sit back and am just blown away at the things the Lord shows me each day, the plans that He's revealing for my life, seriously is this all for real?? I had a chance to do a ministry opportunity with some friends last week and as we were sitting there working on some things I had a moment where I wanted to pinch myself and see if I was dreaming or if really this is my life. I'm human and I'm still trying to figure things out, I'm still imperfect, I'm still a sinner and I'm still learning but I'm at the point know where its not a daily struggle to follow Christ its a deep desire and a hunger to know Him more each day so badly that my insides hurt. Its a desire and passion so strong that I literally feel like is hard to contain sometimes and I don't care what I disrupt, I dont care what kind of mess I make because the Lord has shaken my life up, every part of it and I will stop at nothing for the world to understand and be covered in His love like I have been.

I'm at a place where I lean fully on His direction and leading in my life even if it causes a mess around me and makes me and others uncomfortable at times because He is my strength and what drives me and I place my trust and life in His hands. I know there will be critics, I know there will be times Satan will try and interfere, I know there will be moments where my human capabilities run out but my God is faithful and "If our God is for us then who could ever stop us." I just encourage you that wherever or whatever the Lord is calling for your life let it cause you to explode and do it with such passion and hunger your life is driven by that desire, your days are driven by the strongest most deep love affair with Christ that it overflows onto everything else in your life and moves every aspect of the way you live.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=Giving_Yourself_Permission_to_Enjoy_Life_%E2%80%93_Pt_2_

Hanging up the superhero cape.....

I have a feeling many people will be able to relate to today's post. Its a common issue facing homes today and that is the disappearance of the word "no" in our vocabularies. I have had major struggles with this lately and my husband does also which is why we constantly feel bombarded and overwhelmed as a society. Obviously there could be worse problems in the world but I wonder how many people run around everyday like a chicken with their heads cut off from activity to activity or task to task just because we can't say "no" when someone asks us to do the 50th thing on our list for this week. I think we struggle so much with this because we genuienly want to do as much as we can to be helpful and there is a huge sense of guilt when we do say no. So instead of feeling guilty by saying no we add another duty to our list regardless of how overwhelmed we feel.

I have had major issues with this lately because I can see God doing some amazing things and truely feel like He is opening doors in my life so the passion and excitment is amazing but then I have a difficult time saying "no" and being able to decipher when enough is enough and although my heart is in the right place I still have to remember I'm not superwoman and I can't do it all. For me I have had a few situations and health stuff the last few weeks thats really made me say "ok, you gotta slow down." I got so caught up in doing, doing, doing, that it took a "stop and chill" moment and not feeling well for me to realize I have to slow down. This is hard and for me I often forget that I still do have health stuff going on and I can't just pretend that everything is fine, I can't push aside not feeling well at times because i'm too busy. I have caught myself saying this a few times this week and saying that I really didnt have time to not feel well, I have too much going on. Its pretty eye opening to think about.. Really, I dont have time to stop and be sick?  I guess I didnt realize it was a choice and a matter of saying "ok body sorry I am busy come back later."

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman right now thats called "Do Everything." Its a really great song and a reminder to me that God isnt calling us to literally "do everything," but to do what we can and as much as He has called us to do with everything in us. Its not the amount of things we choose to do each day but the attitude of our hearts and minds behind our actions.

"Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do"

I had a conversation with a friend this week and he was telling me that there is a difference between doing alot of "stuff" or focusing on a few things and doing them wholeheartedly and well, yes I was listening LOL :) I think this is what so many of us forget, we forget that although we try to be superhuman we can't do it all. Instead of running ourselves ragged and trying to do 50 things instead we need to pray and seek the Lord and the few things that He really wants from us and instead put our time and energy into those few things and do it well.This has been a difficult but important lesson for me this week, one I am still trying to figure out and will probably always struggle with. I just encourage you that whatever you have going on in your life right now try and decide which ones are really important and practice the word "no" on the rest. Allow the Lord to bless the few areas in your life that He really wants you to put time and energy into and the rest needs to be let go for now. Take off the superhero cape and stop trying to do it all :)