So this is my second blog post for today. I started another one earlier this afternoon aimed in a totally different direction and for some reason God insisted I change paths, in fact I don't even know where the other one went its disappeared into a black hole in internet land somewhere! So with a little resistance and few words here it goes.
Lately its been difficult for me to blog as much as usual I guess I'm in a quiet "Amber" period. I have shared before that I go through times where I get quiet and do more thinking and less expressing. I am a thinker, not super smart/genius kind of thinker but I evaluate things to the core. Nothing is simple in my brain but instead I look at every possible aspect of a situation and play out 10,000 different scenarios or ulterior meanings behind them. This can at times be my worst enemy but the Lord is refining this area of my life and using it for good and gaining insight at times God is trying to teach me something and share those truths with others.
Lately I have been in a frustrating place, I feel almost selfish for sharing because its not an earth shattering tragedy kind of difficult place but instead a great but confusing place. I have been praying for some time now specifically for God to reveal direction to me in my life as far as specific areas to serve and His calling for my life. There are definitely areas I am passionate about but then I struggle with knowing if its something I like or if its God's will? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? It's a confusing place because at times you get this crazy awesome confidence in the strengths and abilities that Christ has given you and then I believe Satan comes in and causes you to doubt. Last weekend I was involved in a class that took a Spiritual Gifts Assessment and I remember taking another one 8 years or so ago but its amazing to see how much has changed.
So I took this assessment last weekend that reveals your personality traits and Spiritual Gifts and this is helpful in pointing you in a direction where God can take those strengths and use them to its full capacity. The test was exciting but also confusing because now I'm really in a place where I need direction and a little push from God to get me going. Maybe the problem though isn't that I need a shove from God but that I need to take what He has tried to show me time and time again and move forward with boldness and trust? We are so stubborn as humans sometimes, we ask God for direction, we ask Him for answers and then He gives us clue after clue but yet we expect a plane to fly over our heads with a giant banner trailing behind. He can point us in the right direction time and time again but if we don't have the boldness to step forward when He calls then its for nothing. Today I am praying not only for clear direction but also for boldness that I would not trust in my human abilities and strengths but God's capabilities and faithfulness.
There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no-testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a GREAT PURPOSE, which I may not understand at the moment. As I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is- that is the rest of VICTORY!!!!