Pedal, pedal, pedal.....

Pedal, pedal, pedal I yell down the sidewalk as my husband and I chase our daughter Macie on her bicycle holding our breath while she passes house after house without toppling over. It took a giant leap of faith and focus for her to decide that she was ready and after 3 years of trying to convince her to at least try, she DID IT!!!! The excitement from her little face was priceless as she zoomed by the 5^th, 6^th and 7^th house without toppling over.

The stopping and steering is still a work in progress and I noticed today that the neighbors parked their cars further down the street than normal, but I’m sure it was a fluke then again maybe they realized she ran into all of their cars head on yesterday lol.  The stopping is much better today and she has realized there are these little cushions called brakes on the bike and if she remembers to push them she will stop but it’s also totally acceptable to continue to jump off the bike into the grass going full speed like a stunt dummy jumping from a burning car. Her little legs are so banged up and there have been many tears shed but unlike the tears she has cried for the past few years in fear of getting hurt she now cries when we tell her it’s time to put her bike away for the night and to take a break. 

Two summers ago Macie started growing leaps and bounds and the bike she got when she was just a few years old started to become way too small for her. She has long legs and she could no longer pedal without her knees hitting the handlebars so excitedly we bought her a new bike. Well the new bike was a little big for her and it totally intimated her, she was really afraid of getting hurt and so instead of trying to learn to ride without training wheels she had to miss out on riding her bike with friends and other things. Lately though she has seen a lot of her friends at church her age and even much younger learn to ride their bikes and she started getting more interested in giving it another chance. 

So this past weekend Scott decided to lower the seat for her on her 2 year old bicycle with the tags and bright colored streamers still hanging from the handlebars and she realized she could now touch the ground with her feet while sitting on the seat. Just that tiny bit of security changed her total outlook on things and she excitedly took the challenge to learn. After many escape jumps, running into parked cars and chants from mommy and daddy, she DID IT! I think she even surprised herself and you could tell the pride within her little heart was amazing. 

Today when Macie got home from school she had a little package waiting on the kitchen table for her, a pink jeweled bell to add to her bike from mommy and daddy because we were so proud of her. As I watched her ride up and down our street tonight every time she passed our house she would ring that little pink bell and my heart would smile. A reminder that sometimes the journey ahead looks scary, sometimes we will fall and there will be pain but God is always standing nearby cheering us on and yelling “pedal, pedal, pedal.

 There will always be heartache, failures and imperfections in this life but God isn’t standing by counting our mistakes but instead helping us to push forward and succeed. It’s not about the length of our journey but the passion within our hearts to stay motivated, persevere, and push forward in spite of the adversity.

 “Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] and make it yours” 1 Corinthians 9:24

Honestly their wasn’t anything different about this weekend compared to 2 years ago for Macie that enabled her to physically ride her bike better but her spirit had found the motivation to fight and to keep pushing harder and harder and realizing that mommy and daddy were right there, we were watching over her and protecting her and excitedly believing in her and each time I hear that little pink bell ring out I will be reminded of God’s faithfulness, God’s protection that through Him we can yell WE DID IT!!!!!

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us” Romans 8:37

Perfect Sacrifice......

"While you are spending time being consumed with what your going to bring to the altar in surrender I am excitedly preparing for the greatness I plan to give you." 

Driving down the road this past week one morning I really felt the Lord whisper, well actually shout, this promise to my heart. I was reminded in that moment of the story of Abraham and Isaac found in Genesis 22. 

“Sometime later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, ⁷ Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.”

There are so many awesome things about this story. To give you a little background information you must first know that Abraham was a successful livestock owner so when God asked him to take his son Isaac to the top of the mountain and provide a sacrifice he was first tested to make the first of many choices in which His obedience to the Lord would be revealed.

Abraham was a wealthy livestock owner (Abraham could have picked any livestock from His flock and taken it with him to the top of the mountain and it would have been enough, it would have been sufficient but God wanted it to go beyond enough, He wanted Abraham to see that if He would open his hands completely surrendering the journey to Him that He would provide greatness, He would provide more than what was sufficient.We read about the journey that Abraham and Isaac traveled and it wasn't like a 15 minute trip across town where he could catch a cab, it was a 3 day journey and estimated 50-60 miles. Imagine the emotions Abraham must have felt with each step he took knowing that he was going to travel for days and at the end of his journey he would have to sacrifice his son, his one and only son and child whom he loved so much.Imagine the worry and exhaustion his heart and mind must have felt because he knew what was ahead and what he had to do. The beauty of the story came though when Abraham got to the top of the mountain with Isaac and at exactly the right time God revealed a ram stuck in the thorns nearby and Isaac's life was spared.

  

With so many emotions and thoughts running through my head as we approach a difficult surgery in a few weeks its been so easy to be consumed with the journey ahead and the sacrifice I feel like the Lord is asking me to lay at the feet of His altar and surrender. The list of expectations I have placed on myself to prepare for this surgery is insane and I started to feel like how I imagine Abraham to have felt. Emotionally my heart was exhausted and I felt so much anxiousness. What if I wasn't strong enough, what if the house wasn't organized enough, what if people come to visit and I'm having a bad day? In the scheme of things did it really matter to God what Abraham brought to the altar tangibly? No, it was the concept of Abraham's obedience that God was after and for me this week I felt the Lord was saying that He doesn't expect me to do anything but surrender and walk forward on this journey in obedience and He will provide the perfect sacrifice. When Abraham was consumed with what he was going to lay at the altar God was merely preparing for what He was going to place in Abraham's empty hands. As we read on in the story God rewards Abraham for his faithfulness and obedience and pours out blessings over his life and multiplies Abraham's family so that Gods blessings could continue to have a rippling effect.

Right now I can’t see all the details, I can’t decode every part of the puzzle but what I know for certain is the Lords whispers over my life to not worry about whether my offering is the best but to surrender it fully. He will provide the blessing if only I make myself available to receive it.God doesn't want me to worry about the details of the journey but to instead focus on taking one step at a time and in the meantime He is excitedly preparing for the greatness He is planning to do and pour out over my life and onto others. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in the journey and the details along the way that we miss the concept that it's not about what we can bring to the altar but what God is going to pour out over us to take away from it

Happy Mother's Day....

Being a mother is about allowing our hearts to walk outside our bodies. It’s about unconditional love, sacrifice and commitment. There are so many friends I know that struggle with infertility, the loss of a pregnancy, or even the death of a child. We look at Mother’s Day as a Celebration and Holiday for all those moms who mend boo boo’s, sit on the sidelines at our kids sports, and tuck our kids in each night peacefully to bed. But as a mom what sets us apart is the way that we are constantly pouring out our hearts for someone else, we are constantly dreaming dreams of joy and hope over our babies. So this post is to say Happy Mother’s Day to all those women who struggle with infertility and loss because being a mother means sacrifice and through your tough journey I know there have been countless tears shed, an unconditional love developed in your heart for the child that you hope for and dreams and plans made someday for the child you pray for each day. Through each medication, shot, moment of loss, bump in the road towards adoption and for all the sleepless nights you have pushed forward through. Mothers are made from deep within our hearts as nurturers and selfless acts and as you push forward seeking that moment where you get to mend boo boo’s and sit on sidelines just know through your heart and sacrifice you have already displayed the beauty of a mother. Happy Mother’s Day

Oh God, my God why have you forsaken me........

There are so many unanswered questions in life. There are people who experience such deep tragedies and devastation in our world daily. When in the midst of suffering of any magnitude it's hard to see the rainbow at the end of the storm. Satan loves our suffering, he feeds off those moments where our hearts are crushed and our minds are full of confusion. He loves to take our pain and chaos and use them against us to cause doubt in our minds about the goodness of Christ. When we hurt Satan rejoices and wants nothing more than to see us broken, in pain and lost. However when God sees our hurts He reaches down in the midst of the battlefield and takes our wounds upon Himself, He feels our pain, He weeps and mourns for us.

There have been so many moments for me in the past few years where I have cried out to God in the midst of the turmoil. At one end of the spectrum I have felt like we should welcome suffering and then during a very bitter time in my heart I fell into the category where I didn't understand suffering if God is all good and loving then why would He let those things happen to us. Recently we discussed suffering in a Bible Study I'm in and I feel like its a slippery slope because as Christians we are expected to look at suffering as our part of contributing to the cause of Christ. Our suffering allows us to draw closer to Christ and to be a witness to others who are also experiencing or will experience similar circumstances as us. I feel like at times we place this unrealistic expectation on ourselves to approach suffering with complete openness and almost joy and cheer. We develop this guilt that if we question suffering at all then somehow our faith is weak.

Like a chameleon ever changing I have transitioned from one emotion to the next and have came to this conclusion recently. Based on the God that I know who is gracious, forgiving, compassionate, loving and omnipotent I don't believe that God sets out to cause us to suffer. I don't believe that God gives kids cancer, causes people to die young, initiates devastating car accidents, overdoses, rape, murder, infertility, Alzheimer's, or any other earth shaking trauma that completely shakes a person to the core. What I do know is that as a part of life things happen and instead of blaming God for them we forget that in the thick of the forest He is always there, He always comes to our rescue and He always takes us to safety. As Jesus himself was hanging on the cross blood stained and beaten He cried out "Oh God, my God why have you forsaken me" Mark 15:34. See Jesus could have walked away from the torture and pain, He could have thrown up His hands and said "I'm out of here, I'm not doing this, this is hard." Ultimately though He knew that even in His humanness when He questioned His suffering that the cause and purpose of Christ would carry Him through.

There have been moments in my life where I didn't understand the suffering, even just recently we faced a difficult situation and standing in the middle of the storm I couldn't find one single reason that God would have a reason for the pain. What I realized though is that God didn't want me to focus on that one moment but to see that it was all apart of a much bigger plan.  It was just a small piece of the puzzle and by looking at that one piece I can't see anything significant but someday when I step back and look at all those pieces fit tightly together the most beautiful image will be displayed.

"While we need not assume there is a divine purpose leading to our suffering, we can and must trust that there is a divine purpose that follows from it. Hence our suffering is not meaningless." Gregory Boyd

As Jesus was hanging on the cross and cried out to God "why have you forsaken me" he had a moment of weakness and was looking at his present moment of suffering, he was allowing us to relate to his humanness, he was responding to his physical and emotional pain but when he then let go and said it is finished He allowed Himself to be free from that single moment and embrace the freedom of the entire purpose.

I don't know what you are facing today and I'm sure a lot of you have stories that would make me tremble in disbelief because of the deep hurt and pain of your suffering. Right now your circumstances may make absolutely no sense and you wonder what is God doing. I just encourage you that it's ok to be hurt, its ok to be broken and it's ok to cry out to God and ask Him to rescue you from the pain. "I cry aloud to the Lord; to the Lord I plead aloud for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him and tell over my troubles in his presence. When my spirit is faint within me thou art there to watch over my steps" Psalm 142-3. The pain may be overwhelming but I promise God has not left you and if you hold on He will make a purpose for the pain. Romans 8:28 "God works all things together for those who love Him." Even when our pain seems pointless He can trade beauty for ashes, He can take the most broken pieces and transform them into a beautiful Mosaic in the palm of His hands.

"It is often out of the brokenness of our lives that God reveals his choicest beauty and blessing. He makes of our tears a rainbow, of our thorns a crown, and of our dark nights a path upon which his love shines with an uncommon radiance." Henry Gariepy