For the past two days each night as I shut my eyes and in the morning as I crawled out of bed these words have rang out in my heart. To know in my heart that not only does God accept me with open arms just as I am but He even goes further than that and loves me unconditionally beyond where I've been. Regardless of what lies before us in this life He is already there. When I rise and when I fall each day He is there. When I sit and when I stand He is my soft place to rest. With a little over two weeks until my surgery there are many emotions. There are moments where the enemy tries to fill my heart with fear until it cripples my spirit and then there are moments where I have confidence in the road ahead regardless of the outcome. How do you even begin to prepare for a journey that you know will be physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting? How do you openly welcome the trials and not allow those traits of humanness and fear get the best of you? I am so thankful for this time the Lord has given us to prepare and truly embrace our time together as a family. It's amazing when you know there is a storm on the horizon how much you appreciate the calmness of today. I have found myself laughing a little louder, hugging a little tighter and memorizing the sweet features of my husband and daughters precious face more intently down to every wrinkle and freckle.
I have shared before about this amazing new gravitation I have gained for butterflies. It seems everywhere I go I see butterflies. Just today a friend dropped off a beautiful butterfly necklace for me and then giving my daughter a bath tonight noticed on the shower curtain we have had forever it was decorated with butterflies. Maybe it's not that there are more of them out in the world than normal but that my heart has been opened to the beauty of what they mean. Maybe it's because the blinders have come off and instead of being caught up in the distractions around me I am finding joy and beauty in the moment. The beauty of a butterfly isn't instantaneous but a process. A process that is long, difficult, and not so glamorous always but each season of a butterflies life cycle is significant and important and all contribute to the beauty and perfection of it's creation. As we count down the days until surgery I have realized not to look towards the fears and the unknown but instead to find beauty in each moment. I have realized that we are not to be consumed with the lies of the enemy but to pray with boldness and expectation for Gods greatness through whats ahead. In our humanness we can be consumed by the black and white but through Christ we can have hope that His plans are anything but ordinary, His plans are extraordinary. And as I see butterflies pop up each day along my path I wont see it as a coincidence but as a promise that He indeed is working.