Admitting my grumpiness at Christmas is embarrassing. I feel guilty that it's "the most wonderful time of the year" a time of joy and celebration because Jesus was born and yet my heart is far from joyful. As I was sharing my frustrations today with my "Unglued" Women's Study group I realized I wasn't alone. Reading through a few of the posts from these women they too shared of their frustrations this Christmas season. Its actually kind of funny because the theme of the Women's study "Unglued" was how to control our reactions to life's frustrations and not explode and allow negativity to pour out during chaos. So reading the post from myself and other women about being on the edge is very ironic. Lately I have been on edge and "unglued" a lot it seems so I must have missed a chapter in the book or the previous 2 times I read it just weren't enough and I need to read it again.
December is always a difficult month for me but this year it just seems to be magnified. To avoid the difficulties I engross myself in way too many tasks and pety stressors. I avoid the pain of what December means for me and instead try to cover it up. Satan knows where I struggle and the parts of my story that hurt and make me vulnerable and is very good at trying to interject. My list of things to get done and things we are involved with keeps growing and in the process I'm sinking. As I was at the store last night I once again was on the verge of exploding. I felt exhausted, burdened, and consumed at some things I have really been struggling with lately and just desperate to be free from this battle.
As I walked up and down the aisles my mind raced and then suddenly in the middle of the aisle I came across a plastic cup with a Christmas tree on it and the word "Joy." Although is may seem so simple and silly that $1.96 cup made my heart smile. A reminder to me that although Satan may work hard against me and the world may try to bring me down God is my refuge and I WILL BE JOYFUL IN ALL THINGS. Instead of holding on to the reminders of previous Decembers I have the opportunity to allow God to rewrite this part of my story and start a new beginning this December and many more to come. I have the chance to look at the cup as no longer half empty but half full and with the word "Joy" radiating through :)
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18