When the Doctor told me of the diagnosis I was confused "it was just a zit right?" I soon realized that the stress that I had been carrying for so long was not only taking a toll on me emotionally but was now manifesting itself physically triggering shingles as a response to say "THAT'S ENOUGH!" It was an indicator to me that something had to change, that the exhaustion, discouragement and frustration I had been feeling was a reality check that I had somewhere along the way tried to take control over my circumstances and handle things "my way" instead of allowing the stressors and frustrations to be carried in the confident, secure, omnipotent arms of Christ. Shingles is triggered by stress and I chuckled when the Doctor told me that because I can't imagine why I would be stressed (insert thick sarcasm here :).
Since surgery 2 months ago my body has been on a crazy journey physically, emotionally and even spiritually. I have only been able to attend church once in 9 weeks which I have learned is a formula for disaster in itself. I don't care who you are or what your going through I know because I am living it right now that when you are separated from your church and those people who continually encourage and pray for you it's as if you are being disconnected from a vital power source in your life that helps sustain you each day. Each week as I have sat at home the enemy has gone to battle to isolate, discourage and wear me down mentally and spiritually. As I was tirelessly attacked from every angle by the devils schemes I failed to put on the armor of Christ and instead walked around in my own self made robe. The more my circumstances grew challenging the more I tried to take control and it created anger, frustration, hurt, isolation, sadness, and defeat. My family had to walk on eggshells because I was on overload physically and emotionally and would snap at any moment over any little thing.
As I sat in the ambulance feeling every bump and turn last week I had lots of time to think and realize that I had to let go and allow Christ back in. I had to decide that His ways are higher than mine and that I was downright EXHAUSTED and needed His supernatural strength to carry me on this journey. I had to decide to take off my own robe that was merely a disguise and useless so that I could clothe myself with the armor of Christ and stand up to the enemy who had beaten me down for months and backed me into a corner. I had to decide that I needed rescued, I needed God to be my superhero and all along He was waiting to swoop in and help but was merely waiting for me to call out His name. This week although my circumstances are still difficult I am deciding to let go and let God be in charge.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5.
The Lord has restored my heart, he has placed a new song on my lips and has given me hope to see a light at the end of the tunnel and today I am so thankful.
"Come to Me when you are weak and weary. Rest snugly in My everlasting arms. I do not despise your weakness, My child. Actually, it draws Me closer to you, because weakness stirs up My compassion—My yearning to help. Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.
Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence. Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it" Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
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