Blanket of Grace....

It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s messy and inconvenient but then again it’s a matter of perspective. Yep I’m talking about snow. I have friends that get giddy at the slightest dusting of snow and others whom are filled with dread as winter draws near each year like I have been for so long. It’s something that has taken me many years to figure out how much our perspective can alter things, but I am thankful for this new found appreciation, especially because winter is just beginning and the snow has only began to fall. I must admit whenever I hear the weatherman talking about snow potentially falling in our area I too get giddy inside. I now find joy and excitement in snow days home with my loves curled up in fuzzy blankets and watching Christmas movies. I find joy and excitement in hot cocoa and peppermint mocha's which always taste even more hot and delicious with a cold blanket of fresh snow peeking through my windows. But it hit me recently the joy and excitement I find because the snow reminds me of God’s grace and love.

"Come now, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool” Isaiah 1:18.

It was there in the midst of my brokenness, imperfections, and sin I found myself a prisoner to my circumstances. In that moment I allowed my heart to welcome Jesus inside and instantly it was if a fresh blanket of refreshing snow fell over my life and cleansed me from the depths of my being so that every sin was forgiven, every ounce of dirt was removed, and a hope was replaced within my heart for a future filled with promise and joy. There is something so sweet and beautiful about God’s grace that regardless of how messy our lives are or how long the list of our transgressions there is nothing that can ever separate us from God’s unconditional love. I am so thankful today for the snow and it’s pureness, I am thankful for the reminder that even in the moments I feel inadequate and the enemy tries to remind me of my failures that God can send a fresh blanket of snow on my heart to cover it with His grace and love and refresh my soul and remind me of the future He has planned for me with hope and promises filled for good.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE!!!

RWOE 2014

Once again I feel like someone has given me a swift kick in the britches and reminded me how small I see our God. The ways in which I have seen Him move over the past 10 years are beyond amazement but yet I still get caught up in my small human thinking at times and place Him in a box. Last year as I was approaching my 30^th Birthday January 17th I wanted to celebrate in a way that allowed others to get involved and spread joy, so I started RWOE (Random Words of Encouragement) Day. It was a challenge to me and others to write out their favorite quotes, scripture, song lyrics or whatever was encouraging to them and place them randomly around their community that day for people to stumble upon and shed some hope and joy on their day.

Each day we are all facing a battle. It may be seen or unseen and so often we could honestly just use a break, a little pick me up and a reminder to keep pushing forward. There have been many health battles over the past 4 years in my life and honestly times where I couldn’t even see how I would take one more step but then I would receive a card from a friend, read scripture that captured my heart or listen to a song that felt like was written just for me and the words in each instance captivated me and helped shine some hope in times I needed them the most. I realized that sometimes we could all use a little encouragement. There is power in words and life is hard enough and if we can do something simple to help each other get through difficult circumstances then it would make things easier. Maybe it’s a flat tire on the way to work, financial stress, a devastating diagnosis, failed relationship or who knows but I know we could all use a little break in the day to day stressors of life and a little hope.

As 2013 is wrapping up quickly and January is approaching I felt God whispering to my heart to not just leave RWOE Day in 2013 but to allow God to move once again and do RWOE 2014. Last year was an awesome day and we had many people participate, adults and children so I started to think of a goal which was my first mistake. I picked a goal that was obtainable through human abilities and what I have learned is that God asks us to pick goals that are unobtainable in our humanness so that He can show His power. After just a few days it was evident we were going to surpass my “small” goal to get 100 people to sign up and participate. I started praying and then once again posted a goal getting a little braver but still putting God in a box. After many emails and posts I started to realize that God wanted me to get out of the way and let Him move, He wanted to do something greater than I even imagined and through prayer and the encouragement of others our goal is now 1000 people to participate in RWOE 2014 with our goal to reach every state possible!!!!!

God is moving and the excitement is growing and as I sit back I shake my head at once again how little I saw our God. I am certain lives will be touched and hearts encouraged through RWOE 2014 but I know God has already taught me something big. He has taught me that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed God can move mountains. 

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Are you ready friends to watch God move mountains of hope in 2014?!!!!!!

Light Bulb Moment......

Sitting in church yesterday the magic light bulb popped on. You know the kind I’m talking about that sits dangling over a person’s head on t.v. and you can see it lit up? I almost wanted to look up to see if it was visible to others around me it was so clear. A moment where I realized a huge mistake I have been making and the urgency to change. 

Worship had just finished and our Pastor had taken the pulpit for his message and as he was preaching (without trying to embarrass her to much) I looked over at his wife and noticed this huge smile on her face, you could tell she was proud of him. I thought back to the moments right before because one of the guys that help lead worship is my husband and as I’m standing there every Sunday morning and I see him up there playing guitar worshiping Christ through the gift God has given him my heart overflow’s with joy and I am reminded of how proud I am of him. The same goes for when he talks to me about some scientific this or that in which I am totally clueless and I just look at him amazed at how intelligent he is and once again I am proud of him. I am proud of him when I see him providing financially for our family, I am proud of him as a father who cherishes his daughter and treats her like a princess and I am proud of him mostly as a husband who loves me in my very unlovable moments and with no conditions and this is the one I fail to tell him how proud I am the most I think. 

See the light bulb moment was guilt that although I have pride overflowing in my heart for my husband I never allow it to flow out through my words and tell him. I may feel proud in my heart for all the great things he does but I fail to tell him and affirm him. Our daughter Macie is 8 and we think she is amazing. She is beautiful, talented and intelligent and both her daddy and I tell her often how proud we are of her but we sometimes forget as adults we need to know that people are proud of us to, especially our spouses, our safe place. My prayer this week is to lift my husband up more in words and not tear him down. To really share the proudness in my heart for the things that his does with words. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

The Motions.....

Ok, I have officially heard it all, after yesterday’s discovery of Pumpkin Pie flavored Pop Tarts. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE pumpkin pie and anxiously await its reveal each fall but something just seems odd about flavoring a pop tart like a delicious decadent dessert. Maybe I’m old fashioned but that’s part of the enjoyment, the waiting all year for pumpkin pie season and then indulging for a month until you have pumpkin pie coming out your ears on Thanksgiving. I must admit if I can get my hands on a box I am definitely going to give them a try but it just reminds me once again about how much our society is constantly pushing the limits.

We are always seeking the opportunity to do things bigger, better, earlier and different and never content with just staying the same, tradition. If this wasn’t enough I then heard on the radio that “Black Friday” may be considered obsolete after this year because some stores are starting the big deals on Thanksgiving evening this year instead of the day after Thanksgiving. Once again we have to push the envelope. The Christmas decorations were out even earlier this year at stores, even before Halloween. Speaking of Halloween, what happened to those cheap little costumes we had as kids that were made from thin plastic material and a mask that you could barely see to walk in? Now we have these extravagant costumes with tons of accessories and glitz and glamour and somewhere in the excitement of improving things we have lost the simplicity and joy of it.

Maybe I’m a creature of habit and just don’t like change, but I have a hard time with the idea that we are constantly working to improve things and do things better and bigger in the littlest, most unimportant things in life but when it comes to our faith and our relationship with Christ we are content with the status quo, we are content with staying safe and never pushing the limits. We get in this mindset of only doing the bare minimum, we seek staying the same and never being one to test the waters and take risks. We are willing to compromise spending even less time with family on Thanksgiving over a hot deal at Walmart but would we give up that family time as easily to serve a homeless shelter for Christ?

There is a song by Matthew West called “The Motions” and the words say:

 “I don’t want to go through the motions I don’t want to spend one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don’t want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions.”

It’s easy to go through the motions every day and just do enough to get by. It’s easy to just meet the bare minimum and do enough to cross it off your “to do” list for the day. But if we really want to seek the fullness that Christ has for us in this life then we can’t sit on the sidelines and play it safe. We don’t take risks in life just because we are bored; we take them because the payoff is worth it. We work hard and push against the odds because we expect the result will outweigh the effort. We push the envelope and are motivated by what we are passionate about and it’s easy to lose sight of what really should be our motivator in all things in this life and that’s Christ. Without Christ we are nothing but through Christ we can do immeasurably more than we could ever hope for.

“Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]—or” Ephesians 3:20

My Special Butterfly

As the sun peaks warmly through the window my eyes catch the beautiful butterfly fluttering rhythmically. It's not just any ordinary butterfly but my very own special butterfly, a reminder of a trying battle and unfinished journey. As I smile to myself I see the Lords way of waking up that forgotten place in my heart. See this yellow butterfly with purple wings doesn't flee in the winter but gets it source of life from the sun, a solar powered butterfly. It was a gift from my sister in law Amanda when I first got home from the hospital after surgery.

At the time I was couch bound (like bed bound but on a black leather couch instead) and so I placed the cute little solar powered butterfly on the window sill in my living room directly at my view at all times. Although it may seem so little and insignificant my sister in law has no idea the source of strength and hope that butterfly has given me over the months. As I think back to a time so difficult that literally I longed to just sleep life away instead of feeling the physical and emotional pain of each day I would stare at that little butterfly and as the sun came up in the morning it would flutter its wings and sway back and forth and each night as the sun went down it would stop. It was almost like my own personalized clock to tell me each morning "rise and shine it's time to fight" and through the nursing visits and painful dressing changes I would stare up at that little butterfly threw tears, and each night as the sun disappeared so did the motion of the purple and yellow wings of my butterfly as if it was now saying "you can rest now the fight is over for another day." So many days passed and I watched it sway gently back and forth in the morning and stop still and peaceful at night almost as a medal for another day fought.

It's no secret that over the past month or so especially I have been extremely frustrated and discouraged with this journey we have been traveling down for so many months. Because I decided over the past few days that enough was enough and that I would no longer allow the enemy to claim my joy, my hope, my future and my source of strength through Jesus and that regardless of whether I prayed the same prayer for the next 40 years and nothing happened I wasn't giving up until the Lord moved. So in an attempt at seeking closeness with Jesus today I sat down to read a book and noticed the sun blazing through the window and as I looked up my eyes caught those little wings just a moving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and my eyes overflowed with tears as my mind and heart burst with peace.

You see for song long I held tight to that little butterfly through so many difficulties and I realized today I don't cling to as a lifeline anymore that the Lord has brought me to a place where I am walking in His strength each day and He wants to show me that like that butterfly keeps on going so does His love, compassion and mercies for me. "Never will I leave You nor forsake you my child" Hebrews 13:5. "Those who hope in the Lord He WILL renew their strength, they will soar high above wings like Eagles they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint"  Isaiah 40:31. Today the Lord wanted to remind me of His faithfulness and the path in our journey that we have already conquered and the road yet to come. "The Lord is my strength and my portion and in Him I will put my trust."

"I will not only go before you in this journey and make it possible-I will also go with you." Margaret Feinberg

"Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don’t be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty." Sara Young

Loved In Spite of My Emptiness....

With every square inch of my body crying out from exhaustion and my mind in a fog like a spring morning blanketed with dew, I sit trying to make sense of my circumstances. My heart is overjoyed and bursting at the seams by the beauty of my reality but trying to make my heart and feelings synch up I can’t seem to figure it out. When my daughter Macie was born 8 years ago it was the most scary, beautiful, unexpected season of my life. I knew what love was but the moment she was born there was this whole new depth to love that I can’t even put into words far easy enough for human comprehension. As the weeks passed and I watched this miracle, my daughter, grow and change it was overwhelming……..and exhausting. 

After a few months the mommy adrenaline wore off and the sleepless nights and 5 a.m. feedings became hard. I felt like I was giving every single piece of me that I had to give emotionally, and physically and she was just an infant so she couldn’t walk or talk yet and after a while it was as if I was pouring myself into her but she couldn’t give anything in return. She couldn’t say thank you or hug me and tell me she loved me, she couldn’t actively participate in this mother daughter relationship and I found myself becoming drained. I found myself giving and giving and giving and although I was exhausted she needed me more than anything in this world to nurture her, to love her and to supply her with basic needs of life without ever giving back anything in return but her existence. 

Now any other relationship on this earth if you gave of yourself sacrificially day after day until you were depleted physically and emotionally and that person never reciprocated that love it would be hard to continue that relationship, however today as I sit curled up in my blanket with my mind once again in a fog and my body completely exhausted I am reminded of that relationship with my daughter as a newborn and I see the overwhelming love I still had for her and I feel like right now it has become apparent to me how Christ must feel as my father. 

Due to my circumstances right now I can’t do big things for Christ, I am worn out and just living each day as He continues to nurture and love me, as He continues to hold me in His arms and cup my tired and weary head in His hands. Even in the moments where I feel I don’t have much to give He still loves me, He still looks at His death on the cross a tortuous, painful death and sees my worth through it. Even when I feel empty He grabs ahold of my human strength and infuses it with His supernatural power. As Macie has grown I love spending time with her. I love our talks and her laughter, I love playing together and going and doing things but what I love most is just that she is my daughter. Regardless of how inadequate the enemy may tell me or you right now the truth is that Christ loves nothing more than being our Abba, our Father and there is nothing in this world that can separate us from that unconditional love.

Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV)

 Jesus, Thank You for loving me. Not because of what I do or my human capabilities but because of my brokenness and emptiness, because of only who I am as Your daughter. Help me to rest in Your presence and feel that love based on who You say I am and nothing else. I trust in this season of life Lord and claim the hope that can be found in You. Amen