At the time I was couch bound (like bed bound but on a black leather couch instead) and so I placed the cute little solar powered butterfly on the window sill in my living room directly at my view at all times. Although it may seem so little and insignificant my sister in law has no idea the source of strength and hope that butterfly has given me over the months. As I think back to a time so difficult that literally I longed to just sleep life away instead of feeling the physical and emotional pain of each day I would stare at that little butterfly and as the sun came up in the morning it would flutter its wings and sway back and forth and each night as the sun went down it would stop. It was almost like my own personalized clock to tell me each morning "rise and shine it's time to fight" and through the nursing visits and painful dressing changes I would stare up at that little butterfly threw tears, and each night as the sun disappeared so did the motion of the purple and yellow wings of my butterfly as if it was now saying "you can rest now the fight is over for another day." So many days passed and I watched it sway gently back and forth in the morning and stop still and peaceful at night almost as a medal for another day fought.
It's no secret that over the past month or so especially I have been extremely frustrated and discouraged with this journey we have been traveling down for so many months. Because I decided over the past few days that enough was enough and that I would no longer allow the enemy to claim my joy, my hope, my future and my source of strength through Jesus and that regardless of whether I prayed the same prayer for the next 40 years and nothing happened I wasn't giving up until the Lord moved. So in an attempt at seeking closeness with Jesus today I sat down to read a book and noticed the sun blazing through the window and as I looked up my eyes caught those little wings just a moving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and my eyes overflowed with tears as my mind and heart burst with peace.
You see for song long I held tight to that little butterfly through so many difficulties and I realized today I don't cling to as a lifeline anymore that the Lord has brought me to a place where I am walking in His strength each day and He wants to show me that like that butterfly keeps on going so does His love, compassion and mercies for me. "Never will I leave You nor forsake you my child" Hebrews 13:5. "Those who hope in the Lord He WILL renew their strength, they will soar high above wings like Eagles they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31. Today the Lord wanted to remind me of His faithfulness and the path in our journey that we have already conquered and the road yet to come. "The Lord is my strength and my portion and in Him I will put my trust."
"I will not only go before you in this journey and make it possible-I will also go with you." Margaret Feinberg
"Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don’t be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty." Sara Young
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