Everything I have ever been taught about God is of His goodness and Sovereignty so to justify the deep wounds this world inflicts upon us as being for a purpose doesn't sit well with me. "Bad things that happen to us in our lives do not have a meaning when they happen to us. They do not happen for any reason that would cause us to accept them willingly. But we can give them a meaning. We can redeem these tragedies from senselessness by imposing meaning on them. The questions we should be asking is not, "Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?" That is really and unanswerable, pointless question. A better question would be "Now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?"
I'm sure for some this seems devastating because like me I want to believe my illness has happened for this amazing purpose God has ordained but really I just think life hands us difficulties. It's not fair to think God has chosen me to have the privilege of battling this disease for a larger purpose than someone else who He loves just as much. It's not comforting to a parent who has lost a child to hear there was a purpose because they still have empty arms, its not ok to tell someone dying from Cancer that "there is a reason." There isn't a huge reason and plan initially for the devastation that strikes us but regardless there is a God who is constant, faithful, loving and redeeming. Instead of looking at the burdens we face as a plan God allows I will hold tight to the fact that He is ALWAYS GOOD. God never causes pain or despair but always takes our broken pieces and mends them back together gently for something beautiful.
Wilder offers us the image of a beautiful tapestry. Looked at from the right side, it is an intricately woven work of art, drawing together threads of different lengths and colors to make up and inspiring picture. But turn the tapestry over, and you will see a hodgepodge of many threads, some short and some long, some smooth and some cut and knotted, going off in different directions. Wilder offers this as his explanation of why good people have to suffer in this life. God has a pattern into which all of our lives fit. His pattern requires that some lives be twisted, knotted, or cut short while others extend to impressive lengths, not because one thread is more deserving than another, but simply because the pattern requires it. Looked at from underneath, from our vantage point in life, God's pattern of rewards and punishment seems arbitrary and without design, like the underside of a tapestry. But looked at from outside this life, from God's vantage point, every twist and know is seen to have its place in a great design that adds up to a work of art" (Harold Kushner. Romans 8:28 "We know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him."
As I was driving in my car this morning one of my favorite songs came on the radio and the words to that song reminded me that "Even in the dark, even when its hard He will never leave me." Life is hard, we are faced with trials that seem impossible and unfair but it's comforting to know that in the midst of the storms God is still constant, powerful, loving, gracious and gentle. When there aren't answers to why it's in those moments that He picks me up and cradles me against His beating heart rocking me back and forth.
"We do not love God because He is perfect. We do not love Him because He protects us from all harm and keeps evil things from happening to us. We do not love Him because we are afraid of Him, or because He will hurt us if we turn our back on Him. We love Him because He is God, because He is the author of all the beauty and the order around us, the source of our strength and the hope and courage within us, and of other people's strength and hope and courage with which we are helped in our time of need. We love Him because He is the best part of ourselves and of our world. That is what it means to love. Love is not the admiration of perfection, but the acceptance of an imperfect person with all his imperfections, because loving and accepting him makes us better and stronger" Harold Kushner.
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