The "what if ? "

Its funny because I wrote part of this two years ago. Another example of how human I am. Even in the things I write sometimes I needed reminded of them. I can just write them and you can just read them but if neither of us use them to better our lives and walk with Christ its all for nothing. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to stumble upon this today and be reminded of how much You are in control. Its easy to lay it out for all to see and do when things are great but when things are difficult may I still praise You and show You in a glorifying way....

So i wonder how many of you spend so much valuable time worrying about things??? Maybe some of you have been called worry warts a time or two. I know its something i am guilty of, and that is just worrying about things we can't have much control over anyways. We spend so much time and energy worrying about whats ahead instead of focusing on whats right in front of us. Someone once told me that the best way to handle worrying so much is to instead of putting a question mark at the end of all our worries put an answer. By this i mean take whatever we are worrying about and adress it as if we already have an answer by writing down a negative outcome and a positive one. What this does is it puts things into perspective and allows us to have a clear look at what it is we are worrying about.

Maybe its money, a relationship or job you are worrying about so say to that worry ok if this job doesnt work out what is the worst that can happen and what could be the best that could come from it???  Maybe its a possible health diagnosis that has really shaken you up. I have done this alot with many areas of my life and in theory it sounds amazing and it is very helpful. Its taking the unknown and saying "ok Satan throw it my way if that were to happen I will still be ok, I will still rejoice and I will still proclaim the name of Jesus."  It takes the "what if" time out of the game and removes the time that Satan has to work on us and grind at us with the agony of fear, anger, and anxiousness.

We often take our worries and give them over to the Lord trusting that whatever concerns us it will too concern Him. Our worries are so important to God but there will be times when what we worry about doesnt have a happy ending or the ending we would have liked. If we address both the good and bad before we really have an answer this just helps prepare us for what could happen. Whenever I start worrying about things i get my little pen and paper out and write ok if this doesnt work out how i would like what is the worst that could happen and whats the best. When i do this i often find myself being more aware of the blessings i do have instead of what i dont or might possibly lose. I find myself taking the time to remember that regardless of the outcome of my worry I still have God, my family and so on. It helps me to see that regardless of the outcome I'm going to be ok still. If you are struggling with some worries in your own life right now take the time to go ahead and answer those worries with a postive outcome and a negative one...then take it into perpsective. God is still with us even when that job fails, a relationship fails, money is tight, that diagnoses comes. What is it that you are worrying about??? is it something you have no control over anyways??? take a little time and answer the what ifs, then take those worries and the outcomes to Jesus and let them go. Trust that whatever the outcome will be you will still be ok and there are still blessings around you that are so beautiful.

"In the midst of the roller-coaster ride our emotions sometimes take us on, we have to constantly bring our minds and thoughts back to the Truth. The Truth is, God is good, whether I feel like He is good or not. The Truth is, God loves me, whether I feel loved or not. The Truth is through faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ on my behalf, I am forgiven, whether I feel forgiven or not. The truth is, God will never leave me or forsake me; he is with me all the time, even when I feel alone or forsaken."

The most beautiful skies ever.....

Sometimes, ok maybe alot of times, I feel like the Lord places the littles things in our lives to show us His unfailing love and promises for us. Maybe an encouraging note from a friend, a beautiful blue sky, a childs laughter, gentle hug, anything that makes you stop and think for a second wow I am blessed classifies as a God moment to me. A simple reminder in the midst of the chaos enough to make you step back for a second and sigh a breath of relief is a God moment. Today I am thankful for one of those God moments. A moment that I felt as if the Lord was whispering directly into my ear His sincere, tender, intimate love for me and showing me that He is holding me in the midst of His embrace.

Driving home for a doctors appointment in Cleveland today I was feeling kind of yucky and having a moment where I was just tired of being tired and going through the health stuff. A moment where I thought to myself "Ok God seriously?!" But there right in front of me was the most beautiful blue skies with the sun bursting through with a glow that warmed my heart. It was one of those moment where I kind of chuckled to myself and thought "Yeah I get it." Regardless of how chaotic life gets, how long the road to the journey seems to wind and go up and down hills and valleys God always sends the most beautiful reminders to us that He is still there. Not only is He there but He is fighting for us and with us the battles of this life. As if the moment couldnt have been more amazing there was a song playing in my car at the same time and it talked about the power of Christ love for us and how nothing can ever seperate us from that love. The words say this:

I believe Your love is faithful  
When all my hopes have crumbled  
It is standing strong and able  
When everything else fails
I believe Your love will cover me  
Through every storm I am persuaded

Nothing in life
Nothing in death  
No mountain high  
No ocean depth  
No power below  
On earth or above Can separate me from Your love!!!!! 

Romans 8: 38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Praise now and feel it later....

Ugh, I'm so over this funk I have been in for awhile. I feel like a puppet merely going through the motions everyday instead of my heart bursting with excitement and overflowing through in everything I do. There is no character in my dance everyday through life its so choreographed and impersonal lately. I know I'm not alone by the numerous posts on Facebook I have seen lately. There seems to be a funk virus spreading rapidly right now in the lives of so many people. Its not a depression and a pure dread for life I'm talking about but almost like the spark that so many people use as their drive and motivation and zest for life has a short.

I have said so many times and even posted on my blog that its supposed to be the most joyous and happy time of the year with Christmas and New Years and that I was going to get my rear in gear and be joyful but then I find myself sliding right back in this hole of funk. I was nervous about writing this post actually because for a moment I thought "wow they are gonna realize how ordinary I am and how much I struggle daily with the things of this world like everyone else." My joy and strength is in Jesus but I will be the first person to admit that I am not superhuman and each day is a struggle for me just like anyone else. I came to the conclusion this morning that possibly the root of my funk is alot of little things added up that have happened around me and we have been through lately that can just wear on you. The more life I live the more I realize one of the biggest battles is with our minds and how much of an impact thoughts and attitudes can really play into how we feel and our motivation each day. If there's negative situation after negative situation around you then you are going to get into the attitude of negativity. If you are surrounded by positive and happy things then you will find yourself having an attitude of praise more and more. With witnessing alot of tough stuff with friends around us and Macie and I being sick this Christmas it was easy to get into the negative yuck mode. I don't feel like I am in a "I hate life, I hate everything around me, this stinks, blah blah blah.....mode." But rather a quiet phase where although I'm not being negative, I'm definitely not going out of my way to be positive and try to change my thought process either.

The Lord convicted me of this today and reminded me that who am I to only praise Him in the good and forget even in the blah that He is still awesome? There is a quote I heard from Beth Moore last week and it says this "sometimes we have to praise now and feel it later." How awesome is that?!! Sometimes life isn't going to "feel" the best but even then we need to glorify the Lord because He is still good. Even when the future is unknown or life is handing you a difficult hand to play we need to still praise Him. Not because of our circumstances but because of His faithfulness, goodness, and power that has always sustained us and will continue to be with us. I guess this is all just to first  confess that I am human also and I hope someone else can relate to this post today and realize that they aren't alone and that although we have allowed ourselves to get into this funk the beauty is that we can choose to get out and no longer stay in it. I encourage you today that if your dealing with the funk virus yourself to decide from this moment on that you will surround yourself with positive thoughts and actions and ask for the Lord to help you in those moments when you start getting back into the negativity pit that He would convict and help you to change it. Satan would love to have power and to keep the spark from our lives everyday but because of Jesus the victory has already been won and we don't have to stay in that pit any longer. Praise now and feel it later, thank you Jesus!!!

The Ultimate Birthday Bash...

With 27 hours to go and various Christmas gatherings already taking place we make a mad dash to the finish line. Tensions high, presents to buy and stores busting at the seam we are all functioning in pure chaos mode towards the same goal. Christmas Day, a time to gather, eat, laugh, exchange gifts and be reminded of how blessed we truly are is inevitably one of the most beautiful times of the year.

As I sit back tonight exhausted from the preparation of Christmas time I am reminded that although I still get giddy pulling the rings from the Christmas countdown chain each year and decorating the house with lights and colors that regardless of how much we prepare Christmas day always comes and goes before we can even take in all the details of the days events. We spend so much time and energy preparing for that magical day and then with a blink of an eye its gone. Like the birthday parties I plan for my precious Macie every August I start weeks ahead and try to make sure all the details are perfect, and before I'm even able to breath and enjoy I realize I am in the midst of the clean tasks of taking down balloons, streamers, decorations and saying goodbye to our party guests, yes that quickly its over.

A friend posted on Facebook today a status that literally made my heart leap for joy and was a reminder to me that regardless of the effort we put into the preparation we still can't even fathom what heaven and the ultimate Celebration on Christmas will be there. The party planning, stress and chaos will be non existent and instead we will merely be a guest at the biggest Birthday bash we could ever imagine. My Sweet 16 and their million dollar parties will have nothing on the ultimate showdown we will experience as we Celebrate with Jesus. I imagine nothing but smiles, laughter, dancing, joy and inexpressible gladness that inst over in 24 hours but lasts for eternity. I imagine the most beautiful lights, streamers of gold and an overwhelming sense of carelessness and peace that we can only dream about. 

"I love our Christmas parties on Earth, but i bet the Christmas party in heaven is absolutely AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Breath of Heaven....

Breath of Heaven: Amy Grant

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven

As I hear the words to such a beautiful song this Christmas I can't help but wonder what Mary must have felt that dark night. A virgin chosen to carry the son of God within her very body and offer hope to all who believed in the name of Jesus. Such an ordinary woman picked by God to be used for an extraordinary purpose, I am sure there must have been many feelings of joy, confusion, inadequacy, fear, and why's that we can't possibly wrap our minds around the depth of her heart during those days. Regardless of how unsure she may have felt God chose her to carry out His plan in the birth of Jesus Christ which we all Celebrate on Christmas Day each year. I admire the woman and mother Mary must have been for even before she knew of all that her Son would endure for the sins of others she decided to head to the Lords calling for her life and submit to the Lords will. I am thankful for her sacrificial heart and the way she chose to share her precious child with us all. I am thankful for the birth of Jesus and that because God chose to use a woman so ordinary to bring forth the greatest blessing of all we can each be reminded everyday of the hope and purpose we have for our lives and power through Christ.

A burden for the broken....

My heart is heavy today for the burdens of this world. Maybe this is what it means to wear the heart of Jesus and to allow the so many hurts of this world to break into the core of your being and really feel how truly broken, empty and messy we are. The more I seek to know about Jesus the more confused I feel at times. Looking at the many hurts of this world and trying to grasp my mind around them I just walk away surrendering because I realize I can't make sense of any of it. I don't think God expects us to understand the things that warrant no understanding. I don't think God expects us to understand unexpected death and disease, children with Cancer, sudden earth shattering tragedies and so much more.  

"Why does God allow us to spend so much of life in the heat of battle? Because He never meant for us to sip His Spirit like a proper cup of tea. He meant for us to hold our sweating heads over the fountain and lap up His life with unquenchable thirst" Beth Moore. When our world is turned upside down and our human mind can barely process the pain let  alone understand it we uncover a realization and desperation to simply grab ahold of Him for safety and shelter. I don't think God wants us to view the pain in this world with joy or acceptance but instead with a burden and uneasiness so that during those times we will instead seek Him and discover a boldness to steer others to safety also. When we read in the Bible that we should rejoice in our suffering I don't think its the actual suffering He wants us to be joyful about but instead Him in the midst of our suffering.Regardless of how hurt or broken we may be we are reminded that God is still good. The things of this world may be terrible and unfathomable but our God is still loving, Holy, tender, just and all knowing. Man may waiver by the storms we face but God never falters. God knows every delicate and intricate part of our beings and He doesn't expect us to be anything more than broken, messy, hurting, confused people who in the heart of the battle can do nothing more than clench our worn and tired arms around His neck so that He can to carry us through the journey.

When our human understanding runs out and our strength is gone, when we feel empty and desperate its Him we can hold tight to. What I'm learning is that He never wants us to truly "get it"  but instead to sit powerless with our hands in the air saying "I need You Jesus." People often question Gods existence bbecause of the senseless hurt in this world and I have come to a point where when I really stop and look at pain and uncertainty in life everyday and the situations that make absolutely no sense I have to in my mind believe there is a God that works all things together for good because if I were to simply say there wasn't then where would my hope come from and whats the point of it all really?  I can't deal with life thinking everyday that there is no rhyme or reason for some things and that's just a part of life. I have gone through situations in my life and have watched others experience deep earth shattering hurt and to simply say thats just a part of life and there is no purpose I can't be ok with that. In order for me to face this scary, hurting world each day I have to believe there is a God fighting for me or I might not ever have the strength to face another tomorrow. Each day the more questions we realize we don't have the answers for and the more pieces to the puzzle that just don't seem to fit just emphasizes the immense need we have for Jesus. Instead of trying to find the answers to the hurt my trust is in the Lord. God doesn't promise us a life without heartache, a life without fear or pain but He does promise us that in the midst of those things He will reach down with His mighty arms and embrace us. Isaiah 41:10 Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.

A legacy has been left for sure....

http://www.marionstar.com/article/20111217/NEWS01/112170311/Kathy-Dixon-Marion-Public-Health-commissioner-dies?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|Frontpage


This past summer I am reminded of moments with the sun beating down and the humidity thick as Macie  asked everyday, "mommy can we swim?" Growing up I loved swiming. Come to think of it I'm not sure I would clasify it as swimming but more wading since I still don't really know how to swim. I think I could doggy paddle enough to save myself but I wouldn't go jumping off the high dive anytime soon or taking any chances. I remember watching other kids plummet off that fiberglass board with such anticipation and excitment, but when it was my turn I was too afraid to step out and take a chance.

There were of course moments where one of the kids would jump and land SMACK right on the water awarkdly and although I have never jumped from a high dive I have leaped from the edge of a pool enough to know what it feels like to do a "body smack" and its not fun. Lets be real it hurts, it takes your breath away for a moment and leaves your body stinging for awhile. Life is alot like jumping from a high dive. We can be afraid to jump in but we arent going to make much impact sitting on the side with our feet dangling safely in the water. Heb 13:6 "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. In order to make an impact we have to be willing to go the distance, climb the ladder and face the unknown even if it means staring down from a high dive and sometimes facing the sting of an awkward fall from life.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." There are situations, circumstances, trials and hardships that leave a mark and hurt for awhile but we can't let that keep us from climbing back up that ladder rung by rung and leaping in the waters again. In our community this past week there was a tragic loss of Dr. Kathy Dixon. We knew Kathy through church but also because her husband is my Primary doctor so she would often be apart of my medical care as well. She wasn't just a doctor but a friend and an encouragor. Regardless of how exhausted or sick I was she was always uplifting and compassionate. You can't help but notice this past week of the thousands and thousands of people who have grieved her loss and shared beautiful memories about her life. The way that she lived each day serving others and being so caring shows what a selfless and beautiful woman she was. A loving mother, wife, doctor, friend, sister, and witness for Christ you can easily see the legacy she left and the impact her life had on so many and the ripples are still continuing. We all have an opportunity everyday to leave a legacy and to step out of the bounds of whats comfortable in life and go beyond ourselves to reach into the hearts of others and change them forever. We can leave a negative impact or a postive one and our steps orchestrate an everlasting impact on someones life and journey in this life.

There is a song and the lyrics say " I wanna leave a legacy how will they remember me did I choose to love, did I point to You enough to make a mark on things I wanna leave an offering, a child of mercy & grace who blessed Your name unapologetically, and leave that kind of legacy." I pray that as we are faced with the opportunity to look over the edge of the high dive in life everyday that we would choose to cling tight to Jesus and jump. Regardless of whether we land perfectly or things don't go as planned and life leaves us hurt we still have an opportunity to use that leap of faith to make an impact so that the presence of Jesus will cause ripples in the lives of others and leave a legacy for His Kingdom.