Hope for tomorrow......

Eek, was all I could mutter. There were cars lined up bumper to bumper as far as I could see and when I looked in my rear view mirror it was just as jam packed. Here I am trying to get onto the main highway on a Friday afternoon in rush hour in a big city. In that moment the panic started to set in, I felt my blood begin to boil and my patience were wearing thin. I was hot, nausea's, exhausted and done and just wanted out. In my head I thought to myself "ok I can't do this, I want out." I started looking around and realized I'm stuck and there is no other way out, there is no way for me to bail and the only way is to keep going, to keep traveling through the chaos and eventually I would make it through. Every time I get ready to jump on a busy highway in heavy traffic I think to myself "what if I decided now that I didn't want to keep going and that I wanted to bail?" Unfortunately when your driving 65mph and there are cars everywhere you can't just freak out and stop in the middle of the road because your scared. You can't just bail out and the only way through the chaos is to keep going and to keep traveling through the madness.

I know there are times where I feel like this in life. I look ahead and can only see chaos, I look behind and see the aftermath of chaos and in my own strength I'm overwhelmed, exhausted and done and I feel like I want out, I feel like I need a route to bail because its just too much. In that moment though the Lord whispers in my ear “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” 2 Corinthians 12:9. In those moments God reminds me of His faithfulness and how far He has brought me and that if I trust in Him He will remain faithful and help carry me through the chaos and madness. Last year at this time I was physically, emotionally and even spiritually done. I felt like I was stuck in rush hour traffic in life and when I looked up ahead I only saw chaos and when I looked behind me I saw chaos. In the midst of deep heartache I looked down at the ground one day and cried out to the Lord and said "God I can't do this, I can't go through another single hurt and I need to know Your here" I still remember where I was standing and the feel of the air around me that day and as I looked up through tear clouded eyes I saw a butterfly gently fly by in front of me and in that moment I knew He was with me and that He would never leave me. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" Deuteronomy 31:6.

Today as I sit curled up in my rocking chair in a fuzzy blanket with a warm mug of hot tea in my hands I think back to that day and His promises. Regardless of the place or reason, big or small whenever I see a butterfly I am reminded of how far He has brought me and how much He loves me and has purpose and good meant for my life. I am reminded that He holds each tear in the palm of His hands and uses each piece of my sorrows to sculpt together a beautiful masterpiece in His timing. Romans 8:28 "God works all things together for His good." The beautiful thing about God is that His grace is more than enough for all of my mess and for yours as well. No matter what your facing, no matter how worn out, frustrated, and stuck you feel, He is more than enough. "Through Him we are more than conquerors" Romans 8:37. Through Jesus although my life is full of chaos and difficulties I have hope for today because He has promised good for my tomorrow.

I am weak.....

 

Though I am weak He makes me strong. 

As I stood in the second row of seats last Sunday morning I felt exhausted and on emotional overload. It had been a difficult week being in the hospital and with the passing of a family member and honestly I hadn’t even planned on being in church that morning because I still wasn’t feeling great but the Lord knew what I needed and he heard the whispers of my heart long before I could even make sense of them. “Lord God, Your Holy Spirit helps me in my weakness. I do not know what I ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for me with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches my heart knows the mind of the Spirit, because Your Spirit intercedes for me in accordance with Your will” Romans 8:26-27

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As worship began the walls of my heart came tumbling down and as we sang about the sweet name of “Jesus” my heart was pierced with so many emotions. Joy, thankfulness, exhaustion, and peace washed over me and hope flooded my heart. For the past 10 months each day has been a battle physically, emotionally and at times spiritually and on that Sunday morning I desperately needed to fall down before the feet of Jesus.  My prayer was this; “Jesus please make me strong enough that I may be weak.” The cry of my heart was that I wanted nothing more than for His strength to be infused into me physically that I could go to the alter in my human weakness and get on my knees and pour out my heart.  For so many months I couldn’t have imagined having the strength to physically get on my knees at the altar, there were many days I couldn’t even take off my own shoes at night and needed help from my family but this Sunday morning was different. Although I had just gotten out of the hospital and was battling a major infection, had a drain in my side and still dealing with lots of major healing In those moments the Lord gave me strength and took away the pain so that I could kneel at the alter and allow myself to be weak yet made strong through Him. There was power in that moment and every difficulty, trial, moment of pain and frustration the Lord traded for peace and comfort. As I laid my weaknesses before Him I felt Him embrace me with His loving arms and whisper hope into my heart. He reminded me that His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is always sufficient for each day. 

“You say to me, Lord, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Your power may rest on me” 2 Corinthians 12:9.