Toy room.....

Eleven sharpened pencils, one pair of scissors, a brown sparkly hair clip and one of my favorite long lost earrings. Cleaning out Macie's toys today these were the misfit items I found. I'm pretty sure having sharpened pencils and scissors in the bottom of a bin full of Polly Pockets is a safety hazard and obviously Barbie needed my earrings and hair clip more than I did even though I have yet to find the other earring, did I mention they were one of my favorite pairs. I'm sure there was a why somewhere along the way but, in my present moment of motivation to clean the toy room which is very rare, I sit puzzled at the mess and oddness of my findings.

I feel like our hearts are a lot like Macie's toy room. By taking a quick look it seems organized and clean but then when we start digging through the shiny exterior, layer by layer we discover hidden, broken, misplaced things. Maybe at one time there was a reason for a certain behavior or sin in our minds but now they no longer belong. Instead of just getting rid of the broken, odd pieces we decide to add more stuff on top so on the outside its hidden. Maybe its the result of a difficult past, a painful trial, a bad decision or relationship but instead of purging the room of your heart of it you keep adding more stuff to cover it up. Maybe its like Macie's toys and it needs cleaned out from time to time because regardless of how organized I try to keep it somehow, someway, the broken pieces keeping finding a place among the new.

God promises us in Isaiah that regardless of where we have been, what we have been through or what we have done His blood has covered our Sins and washed our Sins clean. Isaiah 1:18 "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. What an awesome and loving God we have, that even when we clutter our hearts with junk we can take it to Him and in the process be made new. "I assure sure you that no matter what has you trapped, or how strong its hold, Jesus Christ's death on the cross has broken both the penalty and the power of your sin." Bruce Wilkinson 

No matter what....

"You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same, You are amazing God."

Life is chaotic and unpredictable. Just when I feel like I have it figured out a detour always seems to pop up. In the midst of the pressures of everyday life we all have moments of becoming unglued. Lately my emotions have been on autopilot and it seems like every little thing that could go wrong has. Unfortunately in the midst of the craziness my husband and daughter often get the brunt of my frustrations. God has been working on me lately and revealing those not so desirable characteristics. I am learning that yes there are frustrating things in life and it often feels like bad things always happen to us but that is merely a lie from Satan. If Satan can get you to focus on the frustrations then he can inch his way into your mind and feed off the negativity and get you to loose sight of God's blessings.

After the house was quiet and everyone else was tucked into bed last night the Lord spoke to me about my emotions and attitude lately especially with my husband. It was a very real and honest moment and so I decided to write him a note. In the note I apologized for being such a jerk lately and shared my heart, closing the half page note with cow tails as a peace offering :) As I rolled over in bed this morning I realized I had overslept and quickly jumped up in a mad dash to get my daughter ready for school completely forgetting about the note. After Macie was dressed, her face washed, pearly whites brushed, breakfast consumed and lunch planned we were on our way out the door with book bag in hand and p.j. pants and wild hair in tow for me. Before we reached the door though I noticed the jagged piece of notebook paper with my sloppy writing and heartfelt attempt at admitting my grumpiness laying on the counter. Underneath my note to my husband there was a reply. One simple but comforting line reading

"I love you NO MATTER WHAT."

My husband could have replied in many ways, he could have snapped back how much of a bear I had been to live with lately. He could have pointed out my faults and imperfections but instead he portrayed a messaged that expressed his love to me even still in the midst of my undesirable attitude. At the time I deserved for him to lash back but what I needed was grace what I needed to hear most was that I was still loved in spite of my imperfections, in spite of what I had done or what I will do in the future I am loved NO MATTER WHAT.

This made me think of an even greater love and adoration God has for us His children. Regardless of what we have done, what mistakes we have made, what bad decisions we will make in the future and our bad attitudes and moments of pure weakness He still loves us NO MATTER WHAT. We can never out sin the grace that His blood has covered us with, as far as the East to the West so has His love reached out and embraced us. Psalm 103:11-12 "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."


God is pleased with our service to Him but it doesn't make Him love us any more and our faults any less. God's love comes with no conditions and no strings attached as a gift. John 1:16 (AMP) "For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and we were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift." It still blows my mind and I know I will never fully grasp how much we are loved by the Father just for being us. God loves us more than we could ever want to be wanted. The God of the universe creator of all things loves me, little messy, imperfect, undeserving me, how awesome is that!!!!

"You, with all your faults and imperfections; you, with your defects and failures; you, with your hang-ups and emotional scars; you, with your weaknesses and your defeats; you, with all of your blunders, brokenness, and floundering: you are God's beloved, God's favored, the disciple whose name God calls, the one Jesus prefers to hang with, eat with, play with, talk with, cry with, and laugh with. You are the one whom the holy God of heaven and earth longs to spend time with. You are all of this and more. You always have been. And you always will be" Mike Yaconelli.

I am so thankful today that I can trust in a God that doesn't base love on my actions or a set of rules. I am thankful today that in spite of my brokenness I am still loved. Romans 8: 38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I am thankful today for a God that isn't based on religion but a relationship. A realtionship thats personal and intimate and real. Thank You Jesus that "You see the depths of my heart and YOU LOVE ME THE SAME.....NO MATTER WHAT!

Falling on my knees...

"You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same, You are amazing." God even in the midst of my raw, messy, discouraged and painful thoughts You still wrap me up up in Your tender arms and love on me with pride and adoration because I am Your beloved." When there are no answers to the questions and my strength has run out You still search the depths of my being and uncover the places that I have hidden from the world and only the salve of your tender mercies can heal. 

There are moments in life where you "praise now and feel it later. What I mean is that you are so broken and confused that not one ounce of you wants to praise, you don't love your circumstances or understand them but what you praise is not the place your in but instead the God who will sustain you through them. Right now I am exhausted, discouraged, and frustrated just to name a few. There are emotions I am feeling that I can't even label but I know I am loved by a God who can. In the moments where I can't even wrap my mind around what I'm feeling He searches my heart and soothes those wounded places. Today a friend shared this amazing quote with me that reminded of how much God knows my heart and emotions. He is not surprised nor caught off guard by them but instead has prepared for them by sending His Son Jesus to die on the cross for every thought and feeling, good or bad that I have ever had and will have. 

Jesus is so attractive to me. What is it about Him that causes my entire being to respond? The consistency of His nature reassures me. His holiness pulls me to goodness. His love embraces me and will not let me go. His wisdom challenges me to know more. His attitude draws me to all that is positive. His emotional stability presents me with a foundation for stable living. His wholeness assures me that I can be complete in Him. The light of His countenance brightens my life. His resurrected life allows me to live in Him. His complete serenity brings rest to my soul. The boundaries of His arms will not let me stray. His crucifixion assures me of His love. His reigning Lordship tells me nothing can harm me. His authority over all things shrinks all obstacles. His generous heart gives me all I can ever need. His penetrating eyesight gives me guidance. His amazing discernment erases confusion. His shared power gives me confidence in every situation. His grace and mercy embrace me in every failure. The protection of His presence is greater than a big brother. His guidance for my daily living gives clarity to all my actions. His insight allows me to see the need of those who are hurting. His tender mercy blocks all revenge as it spills through my life. His uncomprehending forgiveness so startles me that I share it with others. Hatred becomes impossible in light of His presence. I live in peace! Why does He attract me? I was made for Him! I cannot live without Him; why would I want to try? ~ Stephen Manley

The cry of my heart is this. "Broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide. I am empty but I know your touch RESTORES my life. So I wait on You, So I wait on You................"

I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus your all this heart is living for.