I hope you dance.....

Pink leotards, blue leotards, white tights, tan tights, hats, hair fluff, tap shoes, ballet shoes, lip gloss, hair spray, bobby pins right now I feel like I am swimming through a colorful river of dance accessories. The hooks on the back of every closet door in our house is decorated with 1 of the 4 outfits needed for Saturdays Recital. I could sing all the words to the routines for Monday nights classes, tell you exactly how long it takes to get to the studio from our house using multiple routes. I sport a Douce Dance Studio magnet on the back of my car and have a mound of tootsie rolls that have collected in the backseat from treats after rehearsal each week. Yes I'm a dance mom :)

Growing up I did everything but dance so this whole thing is foreign to me. I have to admit I am a little overwhelmed for Saturdays Recital, between changing outfits and hair to making sure our guests find their seats without any problems and helping Macie survive 3 shows on fast food and snacks without a meltdown I'm a little intimidated. I am a control freak and want everything to happen perfectly and I can assure you it most definitely wont.

Driving home from tonight's rehearsal though a wave of peace washed over me and reminded me that its not about the busyness of the week but the moment where I can sit back and see my precious, talented, beautiful daughter and be reminded of what a miracle and blessing she is. Its about the moment I see her little body dancing to music that she hears with her little diamond studed ears as the words pierce her heart and pour out through her motions. As the chaos of this week unfolds I pray that I would be reminded to take time to sit back and breathe in the beauty of the moment. I pray that my daughter and each dancer would feel beautiful and loved. It doesn't matter how talented you are, how long you have been dancing, how perfect your hair or make-up is but this show is every girl and boys show and they are all the stars in it. I'm laying down the need to be a control freak this week and stress over the small stuff. In the moments where a simple catastrophe seems like the world is falling apart I will surrender it to God and be reminded that its not about me, its not about the little stuff but the beauty of the dance....

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

"Transfuse me with Your blood Jesus"

Somewhere over the past 6 weeks there was a major change within me. I came to a point where I felt completely wiped out physically, emotionally and spiritually and it seemed like regardless of what "I" tried to do I just couldn't get my rear in gear. I started getting in this "stinkin thinkin" mode and felt blah. Satan is very good when we are feeling a little off our game and knows exactly how to step in and shake things up. During my last hospital visit the Doctors discovered that my hemoglobin level was severely low, so low I needed a blood transfusion.

Now just to give you a little health lesson your hemoglobin level determines the amount of iron in your blood which is important for transporting oxygen to your body. When your levels are low you can become extremely exhausted and feel down and yucky. Now I had been in the hospital multiple times over the past few months but somewhere there was a major shift and this put me into the danger zone. Without blood work though I honestly wouldn't even have realized the culprit for my "funk." The awesome thing is that after the Doctors discovered my levels were low an ultimate fix came, a blood transfusion.

Now if you have never had a blood transfusion its a process, they don't just pick out a bag of blood and there you go. They have to draw blood work and find what blood type is compatible for you to receive. There is a whole crazy system to the madness of which blood type matches with who and who can donate to who or who can receive from who. There is however one blood type that is the universal donor and that is the blood type O negative.

Christ is a lot like the universal donor for our souls because regardless of what we are going through or how weary we are He can instantly transfuse us with His Holy Spirit. Regardless of where you have been, what you have done or what struggles you have He can fill you with His Spirit and transform you. Like me you may not even realize your in a "funk" but it just seems like nothing you try to do on your own, will change that except the intervention of a God that loves us more than we can imagine. In order for this transformation to take place though you have to come to a defining point where you realize your in desperate need to receive His blood and start the process of being filled up by Him. When you come to this point its amazing the freedom, renewal and rejuvenation you experience. Its amazing how good it feels to have the "right cleansing blood" within you to give you strength and power. Ephesians 1:7 (NIV) "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace."

His princess...

Over the past few years maybe because I have a daughter but astonishing the inner princess and girlie girl has unveiled itself within me more and more. Growing up I never considered myself as prissy but more simple. I loved jeans, sweats, t-shirts and tennis shoes but now I can't help but feel complete sporting dangle earrings and lip gloss almost faithfully each day. I just experienced my first pedicure a few weeks ago and I promise the sun stood still for a few moments :)

Looking back at pictures I realized that I have come a long way!!!!! I pride myself on my own unique style and visit my hair dresser every 4-6 weeks. The thing that has changed the most over the past 5 years or so was a passion within me to really care more about what I look like, not as a superficial flaunt but because its amazing how good you can feel when you invest time into yourself. I started feeling beautiful and ok with who I was on the inside because I had nurtured the outside. Regardless of whether you have always found pride in pampering your physical appearance or its just come naturally for you as a woman we all seek approval and beauty.

As we celebrate Nation Princess week I was instantly reminded of how even when I don't sport a worldly crown I am the princess of the most loving and gracious King. I am reminded that every ounce of my being is made of beauty and before I was even born perfection was already accomplished for my lifes purpose because it was God breathed. My prayer is that this week you would look at yourself and find beauty not because of what you are, what job you have, what size jeans you wear but because of who's you are, the princess of an Almighty King. I pray that little girls this week will feel value beyond anything they could ever imagine and beauty just for being them. A quote that has always stood out to me is that "its not always what people say but how you make them feel." This week cherish the women and girls around you and make them feel beautiful, valued, treasured and loved.

You revive me...

One of the greatest things I love about God is that when my spirit is exhausted and my strength has been depleted I can always count on His power to breathe within me peace. The trials of this life and circumstances of today may rise against us but because of Jesus we will not be consumed or defeated.  Have you ever felt defeated? Whether it be a relationship, job situation, financial issue, addiction or even an emotional stronghold we have all been on the losing side. We have all played in a game and gave it our all only to still fall short of the victory.

There have been many moments over the past few months where I have felt a little defeated. Its a very frustrating and discouraging place to be when you give it your all and it still isn't ok, things still aren't fixed. I am learning that I am not a very patient person. When I want something done I want it done now, I don't like to wait for things I expect a solution to be quick and absolute. I actually chuckle as I type this because thats probably exactly the point God has been trying to break me of for 2 years but yet I still find msyelf struggling. There are circumstances in my life right now that I wish I could snap my fingers and they be fixed. I wish that I could find the right answers even if it took tremendous effort but I expect it to happen NOW.

I think God is showing me that there are moments in life that you can give it all you have and do all the "right" things but that doesn't mean the puzzle pieces will fit easily together. What it means is that maybe God is trying to rearrange the pieces because a different picture is what He has in mind for your life, an even better picture. I never imagined my life the way it is right now. We all have the pieces picked out and think we know where they should go but God has a way of mixing things up and in the midst of the chaos we find beauty and peace in the most amazing ways.The sorrow of today has shown me a new appreciation for the things of yesterday that I was missing all along.

As I left from visiting a friend last week who had surgery I was overtaken by the most fragrant scent of lilacs in a nearby bush outside the hospital. I can't help but smile because 3 years ago I would have hurried out the doors and on to the next thing in life but because of the chaos God has shown me a new glimpse on life and what it means to stop and truly smell the roses, to take in each moment and see the beauty in the simplest things in life. There will be storms ahead I am sure but what I know is that regardless of how hard I try and how much I may fall short He will always be there and thats a victory.

"My soul Lord is thirsty Only you can satisfy You're the well that never will run dry And I thank you for the blessing Of calling me your friend And in Your name I'm lifting up my hands. I'm alive im alive You breathe on me You revive me"

Derby Cars....

So tonight The Cameron Family competed in the pinewood Derby Competition at Church. After daddy and Macie spent time painting it yesterday, today Mommy and Macie added our diva flair ;) Accustomed with bling, “Macie” mod podge across the top and a peacock feather at the end it looked sweet!!! After time spent in daddy’s auto body garage and mommies decorating den we were ready to go. I would love to tell you we took home the gold but unfortunately our car was having an off week and was by far the slowest car throughout the whole event.

 Macie was having a great time cheering all the kids on and being encouraged by them as well, there was popcorn and a great time to chat with friends and let the kiddos doing something cool and different. Towards the middle of the race though Mr. Competitive daddy started getting a little antsy and tried to make a few adjustments on her car to make it go faster. I know he meant well and was just trying to be the jump in and fix things dad but for me it was a sit back and watch moment.

It was a moment that I was reminded we are all on this race. It’s a process and unlike the kid with the scale at the registration table weighing the cars to make sure they weren’t too heavy in life that weight and baggage is still there. Some may look all decorated and like they have it all together, some may be ambitious and focused and some may be lagging behind but regardless they are doing it. Lately I have felt like Macie’s poor Derby Car tonight, I give it all I got and somehow I keep falling behind. The lesson tonight for Macie wasn’t in winning it was about working together as a team to build the car, cheering on your friends and completing the race. This motivated me tonight that regardless of what place I am at on my journey I will never give up and I will never throw in the towel. If I had to answer as honestly as I possibly could what I think about my circumstances right now I would surely say “it stinks” but because I believe in the blood of Jesus and I believe in a God who sent His only son to die on the cross for my brokenness, sins, hurts, fears and sickness I will lay this battle at His feet and proclaim by His blood healing because I know He works all things together for my good. 

As a mother my deepest desire is for Macie to know how precious she is. I want her to always feel beautiful and to be strong and courageous through whatever comes her way. When this whole journey began 2 years ago I was very sick and it was enough for me to get through a day without crying countless times a day, I felt inadequate, physically ill, and just done and I will never forget a moment a moment walking up the steps with Macie and halfway up I just got so exhausted and had to stop and of course started crying  I looked down at her innocent face and said “I’m so sorry Macie” without even a pause she says “its ok mommy I know your doing the best you can.” I told Scott tonight though all the health battles and missed things I couldn’t do with her I just want her to know what it means to hold tight to the Lord and fight with everything in you. To never give up but always keep running the race He has set before you…..Thats what I want to show my Macie, perseverance

My strongest weakness....

The beauty of writing is that I get to make up my own story. I never have to conform to the book that fits me best I can instead design thoughts that fit around me. I don't have to fit inside a story that I can most relate too but instead share the realness of my story. Today though I read an article on Proverbs 31 that literally encompassed the way I have been feeling perfectly. The situation the author shares is different but the emotions and feelings behind her circumstances are all too real to me. 

"That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NLT)

The wind blew through my fingers as I held my hand outside the window. The bright sunshine seemed foreign after several days in the small hospital room.
My husband had insisted that I go home. "Take a long bath, babe. Take a nap in a real bed. I've got this."

After four weeks, my world had shrunk to my son's bedside, X-ray rooms, the therapy wing, and a dimly lit cafeteria in the basement. I had no idea how long my son would be in the hospital, or what awaited us when he was released. The doctors used phrases like, "It's uncertain at this time."
Before the drunk driver hit my son, I was strong. It wasn't that my faith hadn't been tested; it had. But this was my child, broken and battered at the hands of another, and I couldn't fix it.
As I drove home, I heard these words deep in my spirit:

When you are weak, you are strong.

That didn't make sense to me. I felt anything but strong.
When I arrived home I took my bath and a nap. Afterwards, I pulled out my Bible and flipped to the verse. And there it was. Paul's words:

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The apostle suffered with a "thorn in the flesh." Scripture doesn't tell us what that was exactly, but we do know that it was something he couldn't fix on his own. When he prayed, God reminded Paul that His power comes through when we are at our limits.
There was no mistaking it. Like Paul, I was at my weakest point. As a mom, I wanted nothing more than for my son to be okay and the wreck to be behind us. I wanted my son at home. I was exhausted by long nights on a too-small, too-thin cot, and days of caring for my child as he battled extreme pain.
Yet God was trying to tell me something. Something I hadn't realized until that moment.
I didn't have to be the strong one all the time. While I was caring for my son, God was caring for me.
It took a year of therapy and prayer to make my son well; there were many more weak moments ahead for this momma.
But in each, I paused and I whispered these words:
"When I am weak, then I am strong."
My strength was not found in my own abilities or even my staying power. Instead, I was strong because God sustained me and filled me with His grace in the midst of the battle.
Sometimes, when that period of my life is brought up, friends remark, "Suzie, your faith was so real during that time."
I can't help but remind them that I was far from having it all together. What they were seeing was God's grace and love poured over my weak places.
Are you struggling today? Do you feel weak? Whisper it with me:

"When I am weak, then I am strong."

 

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through the illness of a child but I do know that as we have battled the health difficulties over the past few months I have often felt out of control and exhausted. Those around me often comment how strong I must be and I appear to have it together but underneath its hard. I struggle with showing how weak I really am because I feel like that will make me a failure, that this is the battle that's been laid before me and so I should accept this piece of suffering joyfully. I almost feel guilty and selfish for complaining because I know others have it much worse and if this is part of Gods journey for me then I should rejoice. The reality though is that I am human, our circumstances have been hard and any person facing the same situation as us would feel wiped out and done. This article helped me realize its ok to feel week and not always have it all together, that when I am weak He is strong and in those moments where I am most desperate I allow the power of Christ to step in and move.

 

Dear Lord, thank You that Your grace is all I need. Thank You for Your power in the midst of my weak places. I offer up my need to be the "strong one" and replace it with the knowledge that Your strength is sufficient. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Still waters......

When ripples flow through a body of water it’s an action that can never fully be captured. The origin of its beginning may be known or unknown but the result of its broken quality is endless. Even if we can’t see movement or it appears the waters are perfectly still we can be sure underneath there is still movement somewhere. Ripples are created in water due to an unexpected force which causes the waters flow to change direction. 

Over the weekend we visited a small waterfall located near my in-laws house. Tucked away amidst a country road stood a small waterfall. As soon as we got out of the car my ears were parked at the sound of the raging waters. As we walked closer and closer the noise grew stronger and the ripples deeper and wider. The location of its beginning is unknown to me and others but instead all we can see is the result of the brokenness. The ripples that are represented are due to the brokenness along the path that the waters have traveled. As I stood taking in the beauty of the moment I started thinking of how regardless of how hard we tried it would be humanly impossible to completely calm the movement of those raging waters. Even if the waters stopped instantly the integrity of the ground beneath, the foundation has forever been changed. 

It hit me in that moment that our lives are a lot like this, we are formed for a designated purpose but along the way unexpected trials and circumstances pop up and cause ripples within our hearts and souls that penetrate deep and last longer than we can imagine. We may feel that the waters within us are calm but it’s impossible to fully see the impact the pain has caused. As humans we are imperfect, weak, broken and messy and on our own we will fail time and time again. Satan will diligently use the things of this world to cause an uproar within our souls. Like that small waterfall tucked secretly away in a small section of country roads you may never even know the chaos going on beneath the beautiful landscaping but as you hike through the layers of outside beauty the raging waters are uncovered. You may look like you have it all together, you may feel like you’re doing great and life is good but then all it takes is for one small rock to be thrown into the waters of your heart to stir within you a raging battle. It may seem like no big deal but after a while you realize that regardless of how much time passes or effort you put in its humanly impossible to calm the waters within your heart on your own.

The comforting thing is that Christ is the author of hope and peace and regardless of how difficult your circumstances may appear He can always calm the waters within your heart. Because He loves us more than anything and sent His son Jesus to die for the ripples of our trials and brokenness when we call on His name instantly the waters are instructed to stop and the movement on the surface and deep down beneath what’s easily visible are made still. 

Jesus You are stronger
More than any other
Hallelujah what a savior
Jesus You are higher
My soul´s deepest desire
Hallelujah what a savior
You are the shepherd king
You lead us by still waters
Hallelujah You are savior

You are my only hope
Your kindness is my friend
In Your presence You restore us

These words are a soothing salve to my heart today and a reminder that even when we can’t grasp the ability to calm the raging waters within our hearts we are loved by an almighty, omnipotent, loving, gracious God who can instruct the chaos within our hearts to be still instantly on our behalf. Today I submit the ripples to Him and seek His peace and calmness in the midst of the chaos. I trust in restoration, redemption and healing and know whatever things of this life try to get in the way and cause a detour in the journey that He has planned for us He is still bigger than any negativity or obstacle Satan tries to throw along our paths. Thank You Jesus for Your peace tonight and for always loving me in spite of the chaos and brokenness. 

Psalm 46

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains be shaken into the midst of the seas,

Though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling and tumult. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her right early [at the dawn of the morning].

The nations raged, the kingdoms tottered and were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our Fortress and High Tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations and wonders in the earth.

He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow into pieces and snaps the spear in two; He burns the chariots in the fire.

Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our Refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

Easter Cookies....

I wanted to share with you all a recipe called Easter Cookies. This recipe is an awesome way to illustrate the death and resurrection of Christ to our little ones at home. We made these last year and it was great I hope your family will start this new tradition also :) Have fun this Easter Season and be reminded of the sacrifice that Christ has made for each of us!!!!!
To be made the evening before Easter  

You need:

1 cup whole pecans
1 tsp. vinegar
3 egg whites
pinch salt
1 cup sugar
zipper baggie
wooden spoon
tape
Bible

Preheat oven to 300 degrees (this is important-don't
wait until you're half done with the recipe)!

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them
with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.
Explain that after Jesus was arrested,
He was beaten by the Roman soldiers.
Read John 19:1-3.

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar
into mixing bowl.
Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross,
He was given vinegar to drink.
Read John 19:28-30.

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life
Explain that Jesus gave
His life to give us life.
Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand.
Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl.
Explain that this represents the salty tears shed
by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.
Read Luke 23:27.

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing.
Add 1cup sugar.
Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that
Jesus died because He loves us.
He wants us to know and belong to Him.
Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes
until stiff peaks are formed.
Explain that the color white represents the purity in
God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed
by Jesus.
Read Isa. 1:18 and John 3:1-3.

Fold in broken nuts.
Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper
covered cookie sheet.
Explain that each mound represents the
rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.
Read Matt. 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven,
close the door and turn the oven OFF.

Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.
Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.
Read Matt. 27:65-66.

GO TO BED!

Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies
in the oven overnight.
Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb
was sealed.

Read John 16:20 and 22.


On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone
a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite.
The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter,
Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb
open and empty.
Read Matt. 28:1-9

Set Free...

If there is one thing in this life that will motivate me its my Macie. If a battle is laid before me or a trial to overcome there is always this sense of drive because of my Macie. As a parent the love I have for my precious Macie is beyond words. Any parent knows regardless of how difficult or painful something may be if I think of Macie I can push past any point of exhaustion or pain and do it because she needs me to do it. This is love in one of the deepest levels I know I will ever experience but there is a love even greater than that. The love I am talking about is the one Jesus has for me and for You. As I think about today and all it stands for I am reminded of the pain, agony, blood, sweat and tears Jesus endured and as He was scoffed at, beaten, and persecuted He thought of me. When exhaustion and confusion set in and it was difficult for Him to see the reasoning and purpose behind the suffering my face came to His mind and in that moment He saw my brokeness and hurts and knew He had to continue to push forward so that I could be free. I just can't even put into words how much that means that literally as He was being tortured He pictured my face, and he pictured yours also. He loved me His precious daughter and just as I love my Macie and would do anything for her,  His love for me is magnified 10x's. I rejoice today that regardless of what life throws my way or the pain I will experience that because Jesus hung on a cross I can be free. The chains have been released and I never have to be a prisoner again!!!!

Hold on.....

As the blood drains slowly from my fingers and the lifelessness begins to fade, the circulation is cut off and the paleness sets in I feel as if I’m quickly losing my grip, but somehow, somewhere strength burst forth from within the depths of my being and push me past the point of exhaustion enough to hold on a little bit longer. 

When I started blogging 8 months ago one of the promises I made within my heart was that regardless of how ugly or beautiful the truth was and the place in life that I was in I would be honest and just share the raw realness of where I am at and what the Lord is showing me. The past month has been difficult, one of the most difficult times for me physically, emotionally and spiritually. Being in the hospital and so far away I was separated from my husband, my daughter, family, friends, and probably hardest was my church. I quickly realized that being cut off from thing after thing that helped nurture my heart and soul is a very lonely place. The beautiful thing is that even when I missed Sunday after Sunday of Church God still continued to show up in that hospital room and pour His presence on me. In the darkness of the nights when I wanted to be home cuddled next to my husband God met me there. But I will be honest even though I prayed, even though I continued to trust Gods plans for my journey there was another side competing for my attention also, and in those lonely moments Satan is very good at working on your weaknesses.  

‎

"When the Archenemy finds a weak place in the walls of our castles, he takes care where to plant his battering ram and begin his siege. You may conceal your infirmity, even from your dearest friend, but you will not conceal it from your worst Enemy. He has lynx eyes and detects in a moment the weak point in your armor. He goes about with a match, and though you may think you have covered all the gunpowder of your heart, he knows how to find a crack to put his match through. Much mischief will he do, unless eternal mercy prevents." Charles Spurgeon

Even though the Lord has brought me far I am realizing that the battle doesn’t stop there. Satan is always standing nearby waiting for any opportunity to catch me off guard or to triumph over my failures. Gods heart breaks when mine breaks, He is crushed when I fail or when I am broken but Satan is excited and celebrates in my brokenness. God has brought me too far to leave me where I am at and in my moments of frustration, discouragement and weakness when I want to throw in the towel, when I want to let go of my grip on Him, He instead reaches back and grabs ahold of me, He helps me get my footing and a place of safety and security. We all have moments where we let our guard down, you think you are strong enough and BAM you find yourself in a pit and don’t even know how you got there. The truth is maybe you weren’t doing anything to dig yourself into the pit but instead you didn’t have your defense up against the enemy to keep you out of it either.

The beautiful thing is that regardless of whether you have been in a pit for a long time or you just found yourself slipping back in it He is always there to help pull you out. The hardest part though is that first step in saying, “Jesus I don’t know how I got here maybe even again but I want out and I desperately need you to help me climb out.” Through His abundant grace and mercy you can climb out, and dust the dirt from yourself to start again. I can promises it won’t be easy, it won’t happen overnight but God can and will transform you and restore your heart. 

I guess I’m sharing this because I feel like I’m in this place. Being away was difficult and in the process I lost my spunk, I lost my momentum and Satan worked hard to tear down and destroy everything I had allowed God to build up. So now is a time of rebuilding and allowing God to restore my heart. My prayer is that if you’re reading this and you feel like this is where you’re at, that you have found yourself in a pit and desperately want out that you would feel the loving arms of Jesus tonight. Open up your heart to the healing transformation that He has for you and stretch out your hand to grab ahold of His as He helps pull you from the pit.

What else can I do??

There are very few moments in life that I am left utterly speechless, but lately its been a dark cloud hovering over me. For the past month our family has been on an emotional roller coaster as we deal with health battle after health battle yet again. This past Friday as the three of us were sitting in the living room cuddled together sobbing because we knew I had to go back to the hospital after battling continuous high fevers for days I just felt empty. To hear my 6 year old daughters heart breaking because all she wanted was for her mommy to be home and I could do nothing to ease that burden from her I felt helpless. In the midst of my discouragement that night talking with Scott on the phone after I had been readmitted to the hospital I just said “seriously I’m done, I can’t do this anymore” and his reply was “we have to, we have no other choice.” The words of my amazingly supportive and loving husband resonated within my heart and reminded me that he was right, although we may be frustrated and discouraged we have to keep fighting the battle and that when our strength runs out all we can do is let go and fall into the arms of Christ. 

At this point I really don’t understand this journey. I’m tired, frustrated, and discouraged but today I have hope because I know that God never leaves us where we are and always uses our battles for something amazing, somehow, sometime, someway. In the moments when I can’t figure out the whys, or seem to get the pieces of the puzzle to come together right I will instead let go and let God pick them up for me.

The most comforting words that my heart needed to hear today by Selah in the song “I Turn to You”

“When I'm far away from Home
And the cold wind starts to blow
When I'm empty and alone
I turn to you

When there's hardness in my heart
And I can't see the truth
And I'm wandering in the dark
I turn to you

And here in your Holy Presence
It's all that I can do
I turn to you Jesus
I turn to you Lord
What else can I do Jesus?
I turn to you”

Jesus, I may not understand this journey your taking us down but right now I surrender. I trust that Your ways are good and better than  the plans that I have for our family. In the moments where I can't possibly find the strength to keep going or the wisdom to know what to do I will instead let go and give it to You. I thank You for giving me the most amazing husband and daughter and pray blessings and strength over them. Help us to be united stronger than ever to continue fighting this battle head on. I cast any piece of negativity that Satan tries to throw in our way out in Your powerful name Jesus. Whatever battles others are facing I pray this would give them a glimmer of hope in the midst of their discouragement as well and help them to know they are NEVER alone. I love you Jesus, and trust you with my life and this journey. Amen