Expecting the unexpected.....

Its been two weeks since I have written. Although it was filled with chaos and crazyness the past few weeks it seemed as if so much time lapsed right under my nose but I wasnt fully aware of it. Now as I sit at home curled up in a blanket surrounded by my family I am able to catch a few minutes to take a deep breath and really reflect on all thats happened lately.

We have battled many health obstacles over the past few years and some were planned battles and some unknown mountains that seemed to take us blindsinded. The thing that has been so reassuring to me and  a constant reminder is that regardless of the known or unknown God was still the same God. Whether it be prayers for an upcoming surgery or procedure I needed done or an unexpected infection that landed me in the hospital for some time God has always been real and personal. With planned events we have spent so much time before praying, and preparing for the events that were ahead. With our diligent prayers there was an attitude of trust and expectation that things would be ok and that God would carry us through the battle. Its so different though and so much more amazing to me that even when its not planned and we havent taken time to physically or emotionally prepare God has already gone before us. I was reminded these past few weeks that God doesnt need us to give him a heads up about whats coming in life and how we need Him to intervene. Instead He has already gone before us and is ready to take on that battle full force for us.

I have prayed for God to provide protection and healing in surgeries and procedures to come but even in the emergency situations He was there, He didnt need to be prepared, He provided comfort and peace during the unknown because to Him it was already known. I had been doing pretty well lately, some minor issues here and there but I was in the routine of doing IV fluids at home every other night and taking medications, going to the infusion clinic on Mondays, it was just what I had to do and what had become my normal. When I started not feeling very well on Tuesday and started running a high fever I knew in my heart there was a battle ahead. This battle lead to a scary and serious infection and I had to have surgery to remove the IV port in my chest. It took 11 days of intense antibiotics, isolation, medications and prayers to get me home and although I'm doing better I still have to do IV antibiotics at home for a few weeks and allow my body time to recover. I am so blessed because through my hospital stay when I felt completely miserable and wanting nothing more than to be home with my family I  had the support and prayers from friends and family. I had the prayers and encouragement of amazing Doctors. I am blessed that God has brought each of these people in my life as part of my journey and for the way that they have impacted my heart.

Life took me by suprise for a few weeks and knocked me off my feet for a bit, I felt like I was in a stable place, God was revealing some exciting things ahead for me, our church is in an awesome place of growth and new things ahead, Macie is involved in lots of new activities and I felt good about life, I was content. When I got sick I lost the momentum that I had built up and had to take a step back for a bit but even then God has reminded me that He is still there. We have a few pieces of the puzzle in life sometimes but we dont always have them all. We are on this path and along the way we are trying to figure out where we are going and how we are going to get there and we can only see whats right in front of us. Like a GPS we punch in what we think are the coordinates for where we are going but we can never account for the construction, bumps, detours, roadblocks along the way. Even when the journey gets crazy God already knows our position and whats ahead, He doesnt need the coordinates for where we are at or where we are supposed to go because he orchestrates the map ahead for us. Its all by His design and leading that we can trust in the unknown scary parts of our journey.  

There have been many life threatening, scary battles that I didnt even realize was right ahead of me but somehow God always has gone before me and prepared my heart and mind even when I didnt feel prepared because I was clueless as to what was ahead. Hebrews 13:5 (AMP) "be satisfied with your present circumstances and with what you have; for He (God) Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!!

He carried me through that time and helps us to look back and stand in awe of His glory and power in the midst of the turmoil. Countless situation after countless situation I have been in not feeling well but had no idea of the magnitude that was ahead and the battle I would be facing, even before i knew the details God had already begun making a plan and gathering the pieces to fulfill His promises for my life and provide exactly what I needed for each moment. He carried me through many trials and for that I stand in awe of His glory and power in the midst of the turmoil. In the moments where I felt prepared He was there and in the same moments where I was blind sided and had no clue what was ahead He was still there. He was there in the midst of my past circumstances, my future battles but most importantly my hearts struggles and difficulties right now in this very moment. So thankful for a God of the past, present and future, so thankful for a God who was, is and will always be good!!!!

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

STOP....quiet your heart, be aware, recognize my voice calling you by name and acknowledge that without a doubt, from the core of your being and through the unconditional love and sacrifice of Jesus that I am Your God."