I am very much a person that likes to be in control pretty much most of the time. I have talked about that before and how much chaos really makes me squirm. There are only a few moments in life where I totally feel out of control but I'm ok with that and I do mean FEW.
The first moment is when you feel like the Holy Spirit has just invaded every ounce of your being until you have "God bumps" everywhere that hurt and make you chill by the awesomeness of His presence. Ahhh the thought of those moments make me giddy and excited. The second however is when you are getting ready for something, maybe leading worship, delivering a sermon or teaching a Sunday School class and that overwhelming sense of butterflies and nervousness creep in and throw you into panic mode to where your stomach starts rumbling, your palms start sweating and you just feel sick. Now that so much doesnt make me giddy nor excited :)
Although both situations are 99.9% out of our control and from the outside the "God bumps" sound comforting and joyous and the butterflies and nervousness sound uncomfortable but I think they are both good and necessary. There was a song that I heard for the first time this weekend which I shared in yesterdays post called "Mercys Seat," and I bet you I listened to that song 25 times on youtube last night. But it seemed to me regardless of if it was the first time or the 25th time I couldnt make it through the entire song without my arm hairs standing on end and feeling chilled to the bone because of the intense and overwhelming power the Holy Spirit had used by those words to speak directly to my heart and soul. You know that same feeling you get when something you have worked so hard for or prayed about for some time fits perfectly together and an a wave of peace floods through your entire body because you know it was a "God moment."
Now I know being nervous doesnt feel quite as comforting and peaceful but I believe its just as important as the ah ha, "God bumps." I asked my husband tonight who plays guitar for our praise band on Sunday mornings if he still gets nervous walking up on stage every week and his reply was "yes." Now those of you who know my husband know that this is pretty shocking because he doesnt get embarassed or shy about anything! So we started talking about it and both agreed that we feel if you somehow loose the nervousness along the way then your focus is no longer on letting go and letting God but merely depending on your own strength and abilities. I believe this to be true with our Pastors also and know they feel a sense of anxiousness each week taking the pulpit because of the expectation that the message is delivered perfectly. God has designed each of us the way He saw fit and predestined us for certain spiritual gifts and talents and knows exactly how to mold those abilities to be used for His glory but regardless of how well we sing, play an instrument, memorize the scriptures, teach, calculate numbers, organize a business, cook, serve on a mission trip, lead a bible study or whatever purpose He has formed you for our human abilities only take us so far and then there comes a point where we have to let go of our humanness and let God intervene by the Holy Spirit on our behalf to complete the fulness of that purpose. Acts 1:8 (AMP) "But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses."
As we are walking onto stage each week its good to be a little nervous so in the midst of that moment we can fully surrender our abilities and agenda to the Lord and redirect the focus not on us but on the Lord. Scott and I have been married for almost 7 years and there are moments that he still gives me the butterflies. In those moments I feel blessed because after all he knows so about me, every flaw, every messy habit, every imperfection and strength he can still love me in a way that is overwhelming and catches me off guard. Thats what it means to be so in love with Jesus that we absolutely adore Him and regardless of whether we have known Him intimately for 50 years or 5 days, He still inspite of our flaws, imperfections, messiness, strengths and abilities can catch us off guard and give us those ah ha "God bumps," or intervene on our behalf and calm our butterflies as He washes away our humanness and seeps out of us so that we are no longer seen but He is seen through us in a way that is glorifying and pleasing to Him. 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 (AMP) "With this in view we constantly pray for you, that our God may deem and count you worthy of [your] calling and [His] every gracious purpose of goodness, and with power may complete in [your] every particular work of faith (faith which is that leaning of the whole human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness). Thus may the name of our Lord Jesus Christ be glorified and become more glorious through and in you, and may you [also be glorified] in Him according to the grace (favor and blessing) of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."
Whatever is ahead this week, whatever tasks you have written on your to do list, whatever strengths and gifts the Lord is using in your life, know that its ok to have moments of inadequacy and weakness because this allows for the Lord to step in and take over so He can use our gifts with a greater purpose because of a God driven power!
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