Beauty in letting go.........

There is beauty in the imperfections, the mess, the raw truth. Lately it’s become more evident to me how much I long to live by this truth but then find myself picking apart every little detail about myself, my life, my past, my flaws and before I know it I see nothing but ugly. I fail to see the road which I have traveled and the transformation the Lord has done in my life, I fail to see beauty instead of ashes and just see a pile of rubbish instead. Maybe you can relate and feel like as a mom you just can’t get it right, as a wife you feel like your falling short, your bank account is empty, you don’t feel skinny enough, pretty enough, creative enough, talented enough, your worn out, used up and flat out DONE!  

Yesterday as one of our Christmas break activities my husband, daughter and I went to see the Disney movie Frozen. If you haven’t seen the movie yet first of all, GO NOW!!! It’s magical but with a beautiful story line to go with it. Second I hope I don’t spoil any of it for you if you haven’t seen it but there was a very significant part for me that challenged my heart and made me pursue the real meaning of “beauty.” 

The whole movie the one sister is expected to hide who she really is, she is taught to be afraid of the very things that really make her beautiful. In one of the scenes she sings a song that says “Let it Go” it’s her cry to let go of all the thoughts, fears, and misconceptions about how the very rawness of who she is should be considered ugly and something to fear when in fact when she learns to let go and be free the most beautiful things happen. This happens a lot in our own lives. Based on our thoughts, fears and misconceptions we hide who we are, where we have been, what we have done and the flaws and imperfections of our lives. We allow the enemy to taunt us and put lies in our head that “if only I was like that person, or I will never do what that person can do, or if they knew what I have done they would never want to be my friend anymore.”  I am here to tell you from one GIGANTIC SINNER WITH A JACKED UP PAST, A DOOZIE MISTAKE MAKER AND STILL FAR FROM EVEN REMOTELY SEEING A GLIMPSE OF PERFECTION THAT THOSE ARE LIES FROM THE PIT OF HELL FROM SATAN! You push those thoughts out of your mind and you allow Jesus name to be on your lips, the world doesn’t define you, you don’t define you and certainly the enemy doesn’t define you but you are defined by God who sent His one and only son Jesus to die on the cross for all those messed up thoughts, imperfections, flaws and mistakes!

1 John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life!!!”

God is a loving, gracious, Savior who works to redeem our stories and in our freedom through Him we find beauty. We can let go and allow Him to transform our stories, use our imperfections for His purpose and trade in those ashes for beauty. We can be who we were meant to be and we don’t have to hide behind those things we fear will make us undesirable, the past, our mistakes or our imperfections but instead we submit them to the hands of Christ and allow Him to sculpt and transform them into something magnificent. “No matter how deep the pit or dark the night, I will always look for you and rescue you because I love you with an everlasting love. You are precious to me. Even when you mess up, even when you’re careless or mistaken or afraid or broken or weak, I still love you. Even when you are incapable of doing anything for anyone, including yourself, I still love you. And just as I come for you, I come for all those who have made mistakes, and those who are overlooked, for those devalued and despised. I come for all the wrong people-the careless and uncared for, the merry and miserable. I come for the lost, whether the lost is a silly sheep, a silver coin, or a squandering son” Christine Caine.mples

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Stepping into 2014.....

With my toes dangling slightly over the edge of the cliff a fear of the unknown below starts to creep in. Although the details of the next step are unknown the solid place in which I have been planted on for quiet some time now is coming to a close and it's time to move on. The path in which I have already traveled has had its fair shares of ups and downs but it's become a place of safety and contentment. Although part of me longs to stay in this very place for a little longer there is a hunger deep within and drive for something new, bold and adventurous. As I stare at the calendar and see January 1st reflected back the fear of the unknown is now reality as we leap forward into 2014. We will no longer be able to stay in the safety of 2013 but instead be forced to step into the unknown of whats next for the year.

Today I was thinking about how right now we are on the verge of possibly the greatest year of our lives or the worst year of our lives, either way it's a mystery yet to be unlocked and unraveled. There is this sense of excitment for the unknown, we have the ability to choose to make 2014 the best year ever or the worst based on our attitude of praise. Maybe 2013 was the greatest year you have ever had and you find yourself struggling with letting go, or maybe its been the worst year of your life and you are desperate for a new beginning.

Although a sense of excitement dwells within me every year as we approach the new year I am reminded today that it's only a number. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future." As humans there is this innate desire to start over and grab the bull by its horns towards new possibilities but because the blood of Jesus was spilled out for us we can start over anytime. "By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this (life), but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. 

The difficulties of yesterday are gone, wiped clean, and the path is cleared ahead for Christ to lead us towards greatness. This year as we move from 2013 to 2014 I'm laying down the things from the past. I'm choosing to let go of the pain and struggles of 2013 so that my hands are empty and ready to receive the blessings and beauty of 2014. 1 Corinthians  2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard no mind can imagine the plans that God has for those who love Him." The great beauty of Christ is that He is constant, He is faithful, and He is present in every moment of our lives. He was with us in the midst of 2013 and will go before us in 2014 and we can trust in the hope and power of His omnipotence.

"I myself go before you and will be with you. So do not be afraid; not not be discouraged. I, your loving Savior, am also infinite God! I am omnipresent: present everywhere at once. This makes it possible for Me to go ahead of you-opening up the way-without ever leaving your side. The promise of My presence is for all time. No matter where you go or what circumstances you encounter, I will be with you. This is the basis of your courage and confidence" Sarah Young.

Responsibility Chart.....

“You did it, awesome, job well done” are phrases that decorate the colorful circles next to the tasks completed for that day. A little piece of motivation for Macie and a way for Mommy and Daddy to stay organized is the reason behind the “Responsibility Chart” that now hangs in the kitchen.

Over the past few months Scott and I have talked on numerous occasions about setting into place a system for chores and allowance for Macie but we just never could come up with the right one. My sister got a “Responsibility Chart” for Christmas for her family and when I saw hers it sparked within me the motivation to try the same setup for our family. A little wooden chart I picked up at a nearby store has a plethora of chores and categories that fit magnetically on the chart and each day when those responsibilities are fulfilled you place a wooden token next to the task. Macie was super excited and could hardly wait to start it so we hung it proudly in the kitchen, picked out the responsibilities she would need to fulfill, and we were ready to go. Last night though as I was passing out wooden tokens for a great job done next to Monday’s list of tasks I felt a little guilty and convicted. I thought about this long list of responsibilities we are asking Macie to fulfill and honestly they are pretty simple and the chart is meant to remind her and help reward her efforts but what occurred to me is that there are areas in my own life even as an adult that I need to be reminded of daily.

As adults we don’t have “responsibility charts” hanging to remind us each day but isn’t that what accountability is meant to do? Part of accountability is that you don’t want to disappoint the other person; part of Macie’s chore chart is that she wants to complete each task everyday so we will be proud and she knows if she doesn’t get all of them completed we will be disappointed and she will be held accountable for that. In an effort to work on areas of my life and to help be a witness for Macie I decided I would add a category on the chart for myself and each day I would let Macie reward me with a token based on whether I complete my task for that day. The task I chose for myself is reading my Bible. 

Honestly I hate to admit it but there were more days than I would like to think where I didn’t read my Bible this past year and I didn’t give God the time He deserves each day. Life gets crazy and it’s easy to find ourselves running from activity to activity and getting caught up in everything else and God often gets pushed aside and our time with Him can be put on the back burner. I would like to say as the new year starts that I am going to complete my task every single day and will have a rainbow of colored wooden tokens next to my name for that task but I have to say that if it’s based on past habits there will be days I won’t complete it and those days will be devastating and I will be held accountable for that. I went back and forth on whether or not this would be a good idea considering my accountability partner is my 8 year old J But I came to the conclusion that I would go to great lengths in this life rather than disappoint my husband and my daughter and I want to teach Macie that I’m not perfect, I’m human and I have faults and imperfections. I want her to know that as an adult, as a mommy, as a wife and as a woman of Christ I have the “responsibility” to spend time in my Bible and to put forth effort each day working on my relationship with God. I want to show her that I need to be reminded and held accountable and that when I don’t do what I’m supposed to and I don’t read my Bible that it’s disappointing and has consequences. 

As 2014 approaches are there areas in your life that you need to be held accountable? Do you feel like you have a list of expectations for others around you but yet you find yourself falling short and not meeting those same expectations? I am a visual person and I love being organized so maybe the motivating factor of seeing the wooden chart hanging in the kitchen will be enough to help push me to be consistent in my tasks, regardless I am thankful for a God that knows my faults, that knows I have fallen short in the past and that I will fall short in the future but He still loves me anyway. 

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace” Acts 20:24

Running the Race.....

As I sit anxiously awaiting the news I was called to my Aunts house for I had played out a million scenarios at this point. You would laugh hysterically at my final conclusion; just know it includes a will and her giving me her kids which wasn’t the case lol. Moments later with a few family members and a friend looking on I was handed a box and told to open it. Once again the nerves began to creep inside but when I opened it I was amazed and overjoyed. As I opened the box I found a logo for the first “Kickin Crohn’s 5k” in honor me and my family to be held May 31, 2014. The words left me in that moment and once again I was reminded of how incredibly blessed we are.

Someone tonight expressed to me what an inspiration she felt I was because of my journey and my initial reaction to her was that “it’s amazing what you will do when you have to do it.” There are some days I think my circumstances are no big deal and others where I feel like the end of the journey seems out of sight but regardless I remind myself the reason I fight. 

I fight because I have a precious daughter who 8 years ago God decided to bless my life with and from the moment I first heard her heart beating I made a vow to always love, protect and fight for her. Some days it may mean fighting for her over a mean kid at school, others it may be on the sidelines of a sporting event but right now it’s to fight this difficult disease physically and to show her that regardless of how big the giant looks in front of you that you NEVER give up because we serve and love a God who is bigger than our circumstances and who conquered the grave of sin and death and is real and present in our lives every day and with Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

I fight because I have a husband who is patient and loving and has been handed a difficult journey with me and yet he does it and not because he has to but because that’s what a man of God with integrity and commitment does to show unconditional love to his wife.

I fight because there are so many friends and family who have cheered on the sidelines for me and helped lift me to my feet when I wanted to give up on the race. 

I fight because there are so many who fight the same devastating disease every single day and need a cure just like I do.

Most importantly I fight because this is the race I have been called to run and we haven’t crossed the finish line yet and God hasn’t finished His work in and through me………but is just beginning.

Hebrews 12:2 “let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus”

Blanket of Grace....

It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s messy and inconvenient but then again it’s a matter of perspective. Yep I’m talking about snow. I have friends that get giddy at the slightest dusting of snow and others whom are filled with dread as winter draws near each year like I have been for so long. It’s something that has taken me many years to figure out how much our perspective can alter things, but I am thankful for this new found appreciation, especially because winter is just beginning and the snow has only began to fall. I must admit whenever I hear the weatherman talking about snow potentially falling in our area I too get giddy inside. I now find joy and excitement in snow days home with my loves curled up in fuzzy blankets and watching Christmas movies. I find joy and excitement in hot cocoa and peppermint mocha's which always taste even more hot and delicious with a cold blanket of fresh snow peeking through my windows. But it hit me recently the joy and excitement I find because the snow reminds me of God’s grace and love.

"Come now, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool” Isaiah 1:18.

It was there in the midst of my brokenness, imperfections, and sin I found myself a prisoner to my circumstances. In that moment I allowed my heart to welcome Jesus inside and instantly it was if a fresh blanket of refreshing snow fell over my life and cleansed me from the depths of my being so that every sin was forgiven, every ounce of dirt was removed, and a hope was replaced within my heart for a future filled with promise and joy. There is something so sweet and beautiful about God’s grace that regardless of how messy our lives are or how long the list of our transgressions there is nothing that can ever separate us from God’s unconditional love. I am so thankful today for the snow and it’s pureness, I am thankful for the reminder that even in the moments I feel inadequate and the enemy tries to remind me of my failures that God can send a fresh blanket of snow on my heart to cover it with His grace and love and refresh my soul and remind me of the future He has planned for me with hope and promises filled for good.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE!!!

RWOE 2014

Once again I feel like someone has given me a swift kick in the britches and reminded me how small I see our God. The ways in which I have seen Him move over the past 10 years are beyond amazement but yet I still get caught up in my small human thinking at times and place Him in a box. Last year as I was approaching my 30^th Birthday January 17th I wanted to celebrate in a way that allowed others to get involved and spread joy, so I started RWOE (Random Words of Encouragement) Day. It was a challenge to me and others to write out their favorite quotes, scripture, song lyrics or whatever was encouraging to them and place them randomly around their community that day for people to stumble upon and shed some hope and joy on their day.

Each day we are all facing a battle. It may be seen or unseen and so often we could honestly just use a break, a little pick me up and a reminder to keep pushing forward. There have been many health battles over the past 4 years in my life and honestly times where I couldn’t even see how I would take one more step but then I would receive a card from a friend, read scripture that captured my heart or listen to a song that felt like was written just for me and the words in each instance captivated me and helped shine some hope in times I needed them the most. I realized that sometimes we could all use a little encouragement. There is power in words and life is hard enough and if we can do something simple to help each other get through difficult circumstances then it would make things easier. Maybe it’s a flat tire on the way to work, financial stress, a devastating diagnosis, failed relationship or who knows but I know we could all use a little break in the day to day stressors of life and a little hope.

As 2013 is wrapping up quickly and January is approaching I felt God whispering to my heart to not just leave RWOE Day in 2013 but to allow God to move once again and do RWOE 2014. Last year was an awesome day and we had many people participate, adults and children so I started to think of a goal which was my first mistake. I picked a goal that was obtainable through human abilities and what I have learned is that God asks us to pick goals that are unobtainable in our humanness so that He can show His power. After just a few days it was evident we were going to surpass my “small” goal to get 100 people to sign up and participate. I started praying and then once again posted a goal getting a little braver but still putting God in a box. After many emails and posts I started to realize that God wanted me to get out of the way and let Him move, He wanted to do something greater than I even imagined and through prayer and the encouragement of others our goal is now 1000 people to participate in RWOE 2014 with our goal to reach every state possible!!!!!

God is moving and the excitement is growing and as I sit back I shake my head at once again how little I saw our God. I am certain lives will be touched and hearts encouraged through RWOE 2014 but I know God has already taught me something big. He has taught me that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed God can move mountains. 

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Are you ready friends to watch God move mountains of hope in 2014?!!!!!!