Cutest couple....

With Valentines Day quickly approaching we can't help but walk into any store and be flooded by candy hearts, pink and red stuffed animals, every assortment and shape of chocolate bars we can imagine and multiple card aisles filled with goofy and mushy phrases to try and express our feelings to the one we love. I like Valentines Day but even I am already sick of seeing it and hearing about it, lets be real they have had the pink and red out since the day after Chritmas:)

One thing that always seems to pop up around this time of year are contests for the "cutest couple." I clicked on a link for a local one and started glancing through the entries and I'm not sure how long they have had the webpage open to accept entries but there were over 800 entries as of a week ago so I can't imagine the number of entries the judges have to choose from now. Now I'm not trying to be a downer but as I looked through some of those pictures you see nothing but smiles and laughter, never tears, pain, trials or messiness. I wonder what it would be like if instead of the "cutest couple," the contest was for the messiest couple? Instead of smiles there were pictures of people mad, sad, sick, dying and struggling with life. I would like to assume that if that were the case you wouldnt see 800 + pictures in the running. I have no clue of the contest details and maybe you have to share your story and your struggles along with your picture and your journey as a couple but I know in past contests I have witnessed it was strictly superfical and nothing more than what appeared on the oustide instead of the beauty on the inside because of the battle. Its just in a contest like that its not a very good indicator of who the people beyond the smiles really are. What their character is, their strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments, passions and motivators in life are. I'm not picking cutest couple contests apart at all because we could say the same thing with the "cutest baby" contests we see on Regis and Kelly or in Parents magazine. I think we sent in a picture of Macie for one of them when she was a newborn and the picture was her at her cutest not throwing a temper tantrum at 3 a.m.

The one amazing thing though is that even if we arent winners in a wordly cutest couple, baby, mom, dad, man or woman contest we are winners to Jesus and we do make the final cut in His eyes. Each day He looks at not our smiles but our scars, our messiness, our pain, our tears and our brokeness and thats what makes us winners to Him. We dont have to put on a front and hope that because of that we will be choosen all we have to do is be messy, broken, raw and real us. God doesnt get a snap shot of us when we have it all together He gets the whole picture, the real us. I love that I can wake up each day knonwing regardles of where I have been, where i'm at now or where i'm going I have already won and He has already decided to love me and make me the big winner. We don't win a night out on the town, a free dinner or a shopping spree by being messy but we do win the most amazing love story with a Savior who will change our lives. Not only do we win unconditional love we win eternal life so we can never use it up, like a shopping spree pass or dinner gift card.

I think I have shared this before but my all time favorite book is called "Messy Spirituality" by Mike Yaconelli. The book is a beautiful story of God's neverending love for us regardless of our flaws and messiness. One quote from the book says this "You, with all your faults and imperfections; you, with your defects and failures; you, with your hang-ups and emotional scars; you, with your weaknesses and your defeats; you, with all of your blunders, brokenness, and floundering: you are God's beloved, God's favored, the disciple whose name God calls, the one Jesus prefers to hang with, eat with, play with, talk with, cry with, and laugh with. You are the one whom the holy God of heaven and earth longs to spend time with. You are all of this and more. You always have been. And you always will be." Wow is all I can say, amazing isnt it??? I also love the lyrics to a Francesca Battistelli's song called "Free to Be Me" it says "I got a couple dents in my fender, got a couple rips in my jeans, tryin to put the pieces together but reflection is my enemy and on my own I'm so clumsy but on Your shoulders I can see, I'm free to be me." How beautiful, we dont have to appear to be together because God can take the pieces and arrange them so perfectly that the beauty in which is reflected is far more amazing than any picture or contest shot. I just encourage you that this week regardless of whether you win at a competition in sports, one for beauty, one for smartness or none at all you can rest assured you have already won! It may not be a shopping spree or cash prize but I guarantee its a reward that will never let you down or run out.

Catch....

Lately I feel like I am playing a complicated game of catch with God and can't seem to get it right. You know when you try to play catch with a toddler and you tell them to be ready but when it comes to actually catching the ball its all about timing. They realize you are going to toss the ball their way but for them to really grasp the concept and get the timing of when to open their hands to receive the ball its complicated. That's how I feel right now. The Lord has been preparing me for the game of catch ahead but I constantly feel like I am fumbling with the circumstances He has before me and I can't quite grasp them fully. Somewhere in the process of getting my heart and mind ready and then actually connecting the dots to receive the challenge ahead I mix things up. Its as if the Lord is projecting a difficult journey for me ahead and I know the challenge but then I struggle with being confident enough in His coaching to fully accept the challenge. There is a quote I read tonight and its the prayer of my heart right now.

"Peace will never come until we have accepted in totality all that is involved in our suffering, even facing and accepting the fact that the sorrow that has struck us so suddenly may never be removed. Acceptance is taking from God's hand absolutely anything He chooses to give us, looking up into His face with love and trust."Margaret Clarkson

Is there a situation in your life right now you feel like the Lord is preparing your heart to receive? 

My prayer right now is this: Jesus, I love you and trust you. Even in the difficult circumstances of life I know you are good. I pray that you would continue to prepare my heart for the journey ahead, forgive my need for control and lack of openness to receive your challenges with acceptance. I surrender my will and believe You always, always, always work all things together for Your good. Break me of the hidden corners of my heart where my humanness gets in the way of your will. I place all the pieces of the puzzle in Your hands and accept the path ahead as coming from Your throne.

Olympic Gold....

I think I did it, I found my Olympic Sport. You know the one odd thing you can do and you think, "if only this were and Olympic Sport I would surely bring home the gold." Usually its something really odd and quirky like picking things up with your toes, balancing silverware on your forehead, or any other crazy bizarre thing normal everyday life has caused you to discover. Tonight going through our nightly bath/bedtime routine I once again mastered perfectly my "Olympic Sport" of tossing Macie's shoes down a flight of stairs making them land perfectly in the shoe pile at the bottom without hitting the wall on the way down. I know not so glamorous right, but seriously tonight when I did it I secretly cheered to myself and said "YES!!! you are so awesome" lol. What quirky Olympic Sport would you bring home a medal for? I may be made fun of for this silly talent and in fact my husband probably will laugh about it when its revealed out in the open but we all have them.

Life often gets so crazy and chaotic that we get caught up in doing alot of stuff instead of just doing a few things well. God has given each of us unique talents, gifts, strengths and weaknesses and wants nothing more than to nurture them and develop those gifts to be used the best way possible. As a parent something Scott and I have struggled with lately is with the activities Macie is involved in. It seems like we are running every night and honestly we are most. Between dance, cheerleading, caravan, cheer camp its crazy and we only have 1 child. Its a balance between picking the few things that she is really good at and focusing on them instead of spreading her energy out to alot of things that maybe isn't as good for her. Since she is only 6 and just figuring out her different strengths and passions its a crazy time and I think will slow down a bit when she finds "her sport, dance, activity, group."

Its my prayer as a parent that I would have the discernment to sit back and evaluate all the craziness and be able to decipher the difference between just doing something to do it or because its your heart and passion. I know even as an adult this is hard for me, I want to serve God and there are so many amazing things that I could be involved in or devote my time and energy too but just because I can do a bunch of different things at once that doesn't necessarily mean I should. I guess my point is that God wants nothing more than for us to find our "niche" to find the areas in ministry where He can use the gifts and abilities He has given you for the best thing possible. He has placed within each of us a passion and fire that if surrendered in His hands He can develop into the most amazing story ever. Even when we feel like our abilities are small and we will never be able to "win the gold with our talent" He can take little and doing something great. As a friend always says "is it a good thing or a God thing?" Its a challenge for me to not spread myself to thin and decide which things to say yes and which to say no. Its not about where I think I should serve because like my talent I think I should be a national shoe throwing champ but that isnt reasonable so instead its about where God things I will succeed the best with the abilities He has given me. Have you found where God wants you???

Celebrate...!!!!!

 

Tough Family Celebration 2011

Its crazy to think of how quickly time flies, the hours, days, weeks, months and years just seem to zoom by faster and faster every year. Holidays come and go, Birthdays come and go, school years come and go and while your in the midst of it you can hardly stop and focus on the moment until its passed and then you are able to capture the beauty of what you have survived and the successes you have gained.

This week we get out the party decorations for our "Tough Family Celebration." After we began the intense battle with the health obstacles 2 years ago February 8, 2010 to be exact we decided to make the day 2-8 each year a day we would celebrate. We realized over time the faith, love, unity and surrender it took to face the battles head on as a family and battle our circumstances gaining as much insight and strength from God and each other as we could. We call it our tough family celebration in which basically we say "shew we survived." Its not a party we invite all our friends and family but something we celebrate the 3 of us with balloons, streamers, dinner, cake and laughter. We spend the evening celebrating and praising God together for bringing us through and using our trials for His glory.

Being in the hospital this weekend it was a reminder to me we are still fighting the battle but we have been victorious by the power of Christ for another year. Instead of focusing on the pain we will rejoice for the milestones, we will rejoice because we are further now than we were two years ago. My husband and I are more in love than we were 2 years ago, our daughter is growing, beautiful and intelligent. The Lord has provided financially and helped us to draw closer to Him through the unknown questions we faced many times. We are celebrating because when the world placed odds against our family for surviving the chaos, we faced it head on and chose to stand and unite as a team. I can't wait to celebrate this week, wonder what our cake should say....."Take that Satan, We did it, Cameron Warriors???" Hmmmm what do you think???

Break me down Jesus....

The crack of the whip in mid air is a reminder of the reality that I need to be broken. Just when I think I have it all figured out and I know what I need to travel the journey ahead I am startled to realization that I need my Master to show me. People see it as seflish and unnecsseary but to Him its done in love and preparation. Its not meant to harm me in a way that breaks me down to less but only to rid me off myself and build me up to something bigger and obtain victories only His preparation can lead me too.

Growing up one of my favorite things to do was to ride horses. I wasn't good at it or knowledgeable about it I just liked to jump on and ride into an open field with freedom. There was this sense of letting go and allowing the horse to lead me because it always seemed like he knew the trail ahead, he didnt need me to tell him to watch out for a hole, stick or difficult spot on our journey but he knew. He knew enough based on the way that his master had broken him and was able to safely guide me with wisdom and clarity.

The Lord is  showing me lately in the simplest things of my continual need to be broken. My need to be startled to reality and left aware that unless I heed to his direction I will struggle with the path ahead. Its painful, its difficult, its confusing and a constant power struggle to take back the reigns and think I have it under control. In those moments where my selfishness takes over and the pain of His training sets in I am reminded by my masters voice "trust me, trust me." When I decide to continually give up my power to Him I will meet victory. Its a tough love mentality where although it hurts Him so much to break me down He knows that at the end of myself is His greatest blessings.

Laying it down.....again

There's often a moment in everyone's life that you are hit with the realization that somethings changed. For me its been over the past few months I think. With the health battles over the past 2 years I just assumed it was a season in my life and that like anything else there would be a fix and things would turn back to how they were. I would heal physically and bounce back to being a working mom and living the average life of a 29 year old. The realization is now becoming that its not just a season for me but a life change. I can't just fix the health stuff its a new way of life for us and the health battles aren't going to mysteriously go away by snapping my fingers.

Going to the doctors in Cleveland today I was sure they would have a fix for me, I was sure they would say I needed surgery and then we could start getting back to the way things were and although it would be a difficult journey it would be the start to new beginnings. What today has shown me is that maybe instead of looking for a new journey I need to embrace the one I'm on. Its becoming more aware that this is now my life. It could always be much worse and there are people who would love to have my easy circumstances. I think there's this defining moment in everyone's life and how we all come to a point where you realize "maybe i should have just been ok with the moment." When I look at the journey we have traveled in the past 2 years its seriously crazy. I remember a time of daily nursing visits, constant terrible pain, sleeping in a chair, multiple surgeries, extended hospital stays away from my family and many missed memories with my sweet daughter. We may have to travel that road again soon and it makes me stop and be thankful for this moment. Although it may still be difficult, its not as bad as it once was. Today my prayer is:

Jesus, give me an insatiable craving to breathe the moments of today in and be content with my circumstances now. Remind me of the journey we have traveled and help me to be humble and thankful for what I do have and not what I don't. I trust that if there is a fix You will be in that place and if there isn't a fix I praise you still for being there even still. Break my selfish spirit when I try and take away control from your plans and remind me to live surrendering to Your plans for my life and not the ones I wish. Jesus I believe in Your faithfulness and hand it over to You tonight again, and again and again.

Beautiful Things....

When I started following Jesus I was a mess, come to think of it I'm still a mess. The difference now and then is that I no longer sit in the pain, brokenness and despair but surrender it. My past is my past and with the Lords healing and redemption He has the ability to rewrite my ending. I always thought people in the church had it all together. I figured they never made mistakes, their relationships were perfect, they never struggled with addictions, debt, depression, tragedies or health battles. When I decided I was desperate to change not because I thought I could obtain a holy life but because not one ounce of my being could be kept in the brokenness anymore I then found Jesus. I surrendered each burden, mistake, shame, fear, and pain to the Lord in that very moment and still daily find myself bowed at the foot of the cross doing it all over again. 

Its a daily process of surrendering me and my mess to Him and allowing the power of His love to transform me. Its about taking it one step at a time and one battle at a time but believing by surrendering to a God who loves me unconditionally that His strength will lift me up and set me free from the strongholds this world has tried to place on me. Its about daily saying "Jesus I am so unworthy but thank You for loving me." Some days are easier than others, some days I find myself hourly surrendering over and over the things that God is trying to untangle my slaved being from. Each day we are faced with a battle and like the battles of our country its easier to take on the enemy with an army opposed to doing it on our own. The church is our army, full of broken, wounded, tired people. People that have all traveled a difficult journey and have a goal in mind to defeat the enemy and accomplish victory. Those people with whom you can huddle together in the heat of the battle and help support and lift each other up is a blessing from God. During some of my darkest moments God has used my church family as my cheerleaders. I am thankful for an amazing church, amazing friends, a supportive community group and people who I can share my life with. With the battle ahead and the trials of life each day I am so thankful for support of our church. A place that we call our home and friends that have become our family. Thank You Jesus today for taking messy, wounded and broken people and using our stories for something beautiful. Thank You that church isnt about having it all together but being broken, healed and restored in Your hands. 

May the cry of our hearts be this: "You bring hope you bring life, awaken hearts open eyes. With our voices hear them rise, we call these dry bones to come alive. You are faithful you are true, we can always run to you. Love that never fails arms that never close, blood that covers sin, grace that never ends. You have saved us, You have won. Sin is broken, death is gone. Freedom's found us breakthrough's near, in your presence no more fear." Our Savior's here!!!!"