Battle Cry....

Each day I rise for battle, physically, emotionally and spiritually I dress for the enemies attack. Some days I know the battle will be exhausting and other days I boldly walk forward with confidence but it's never without testing. I doubt my ability to stand, there are moments I would rather seek shelter and hide. I have never done this before and wish I was better prepared but the enemy rings it's battle cry NOW. I often ask why me and what lead us here but that only drains the energy out if this moment and I instead I must focus on now. I feel guilty for questioning the battle and purpose of it all but seek peace to keep going. When doubt starts seeping into the vulnerable places of my heart I hold tight to grace and strength for each moment. Sometimes it infuses in like a calming breathe of fresh air and others a little piece of encouragement or kind word from a friend but either way another second passes, another step forward....victory.

Today I will choose joy for the steps we have taken and hope for where we are going. I will be proud of the battles we have won and press on with perseverance towards moments yet unseen. I refuse to give up, I proclaim my own battle cry, it's not finished yet.....so we press on.

So many thoughts, so many emotions.......Sometimes I feel like a hamster in a wheel, running as fast as it's little legs can go but not moving from the spot it's in. But then you stop and think about think about the choice to get on the wheel and actually run and realize it's gotta be meaningful. For me it's been FEAR that kept me for so long from even getting on the wheel. Fear of the unknown, it sounds silly because if it's an unknown road we are facing how do we associate fear with it because we don't know what's ahead so really it may just be fear of doing what we have always done. Fear in letting go....They say insanity is defined as "doing what you always did and expecting different results."

But you come to a point where the heaviness of each day is too much, the cycle of what's comfortable is actually miserable. Change is hard but the feeling of being stuck and in chains to misery is not living, not experiencing the abundance God has for us. You can focus on the the past or you can allow it to motivate and launch you into a new place in life, you can face the fear head on and look the tiger in the eye. It's scary but ultimately worth the fight.

Each day is a step forward and each moment a new opportunity to learn and grow. I want to be more like Jesus, I want my life to reflect joy, surrender, brokenness but ultimately RESTORATION !! I want my story to reflect His grace and my journey to mean something, there is always purpose in our pain. It doesn't mean the pain is ok and what we have been through always is fair but it means that God is powerful enough to use the junk for good. "He works all things together for my good!" Romans 8:28

Today I will celebrate being in the wheel and running as fast as my little legs can go, I will celebrate how far we have come and the joy and journey that's ahead. I will allow yesterday to motivate me to seek new heights today and to not be ok with where we were but hunger for where we are going.....so many thoughts, so many emotions, but really feeling, and I'm ok.....